"As for Maidenhead, the conga (which was amusing) aside, some of the oddest chants I've ever heard at a football match" ~ localboy86, Apr. 2015

Monday, 17 March 2025

Away Day Diary: Gateshead 0-2 Maidenhead United (15/03/25)


Given that my two previous visits to the worst stadium in the National League had resulted in two losses by a combined score of 11-1, and the Magpies had managed just one point (conceding an equaliser to Braintree's ten men) from the five games since the shock win at Oldham, it's safe to say that I was  once again  questioning my life choices ahead of this weekend, especially as Macleod (M) and I had decided to fly up to Newcastle while sat in the pub before the Magpies' 4-0 thumping at Altrincham in mid-January ... the price having risen by nearly 50% compared to when I'd first proposed the idea between Christmas and New Year; anyway, after a lift to Terminal 5 for Macleod (M), Rainey and me in Dad's Taxi (failing to find the free remote drop-off, so resigning ourselves to paying the £6 fee), we enjoyed breakfast and pints (well, Murdo and I had pints) sat next to Sparkes (K) and Sparkes (D) in Spoons ahead of the 09:45 flight (with Phil W. moving to sit next to Murdo) that was, judging by the sound of his voice, captained by Philip from Rising Damp

After dumping our bags at the Premier Inn close to the airport, we dashed for the Metro train, with Rainey staying on (as he was meeting an old colleague for lunch in the Schooner Fog on the Tyne) as the rest of us disembarked at Gateshead and headed, down West Street (as squalid as Maidenhead's High Street), towards the four pubs (three of them micro) recommended on a Reddit thread I'd seen in the preceding days; it was just before midday but, unlike the furthest away (Axis), Microbus was open so we started there, and it was great: quirky decor (the owners are campervan enthusiasts), an excellent drink selection (my Cushty Peeve by Carlisle Brewing Co. was solid), a free-to-play retro arcade machine with hundreds of games (albeit I couldn't work out how to start Street Fighter II), and good conversation (topics included 'Working for British Airways' and 'Lost pubs of Maidenhead')

To Axis (now open), where Macleod (M) was pestered for beef-flavoured crisps by a gorgeous black Labrador, I enjoyed perhaps my favourite ale of the day (DEYA's Magazine Cover), and Phil W. (who had rejoined us after a detour to his B&B in West Jesmond) got stuck into a third of 10%-proof stout ("pre-emptive, ahead of the likely football result"); next was The Central, with Chris Rad. in tow, where an Elliott Smith song somehow sparked a heated debate between Macleod (M) and me about 80s music and 90s music (it was more nuanced than 'which was best', but you can probably work out the gist)

East, Station completed the set of pubs, where we learned the team news (no Reece Smith, Alan Massey or Miles Welch-Hayes; Remy Clerima back from the dead  metaphorically speaking  to make his 249th MUFC start but only his second in the league this season; and a previously unannounced new signing on the bench) before a truncated walk to the ground past a massive seen-better-days steel factory (under threat of closure) and some fella with a makeshift stall selling unlicensed NUFC League Cup Final tat (which probably would've pissed me off if I were a Gateshead fan); the home side dominated possession from the start, but it quickly became apparent that their relatively poor recent run had sapped confidence and this wasn't one of their slick 'sexy football' outfits that had carved us open at will in previous encounters, especially not with a 15th-minute looping header from Manny Onariase giving the visitors a lead to defend

Surprisingly, I think Craig Ross ('Snood' to our friends at Sutton) had only one save of note (which he made  with his legs  look more awkward than it perhaps needed to be), and I'd argue the Magpies had the better opportunities to double their advantage, with the Heed looking uncertain every time we had an attacking set piece; a bumper home crowd was getting (1) increasingly restless and (2) out-sung by the Berkshire horde, but it wasn't until the 84th-minute  and following a horrendous gaffe from their defence  that Shawn McCoulsky, who would later spurn a one-on-one, scored a game-clinching second to spark wild, almost disbelieving, Maidenhead celebrations (on and off the pitch  I think our entire bench bar Alan Dev joined the bundle in front of the travelling fans!)

Hat tip to all the players and coaching staff, but a special shout out to Remy, aka the King of France, who rolled back the years ("He's 31 again!" #IYKYK) with a masterful display as the sweeper in a back three  each of those wearing purple deserved their names sung loud and proud, long after the final whistle had sounded, but the away support (officially 33 in number) dissipated quickly at the end, which was a shame ... although Phil W., Macleod (M), Chris Rad. and I were still humming "Number 30 for Maidenhead is Manny O" to the Supergrass tune as we stopped off at a heaving McDonald's on the walk back to the pubs

East, Station again (Murdo ordered "pints of Southend", which tasted too sour even for me; we checked the National League scores and discussed other unusual pubs), then The Central (which was great: my sour cherry cider went down a treat as did helpings of the complimentary mushroom and potato stew, as we sat in a different but more ornate room with the TV showing a stadium of people belting out La Marseillaise ... presumably in honour of Remy), Microbus (packed, with a Northumbrian musician – vaguely resembling the much-missed Scouse Mick – performing decent versions of Delilah, A Day in the Life, Stairway to Heaven, etc.), and Axis (where the hat-wearing barman from earlier in the day proactively mentioned our win, and I enjoyed an expensive half of 6.5%-proof Holy Goat Blood Orange Crusher Sour), before we walked under one bridge (the High Level) and over another (the Swing) to the Toon for drinks in the Crown Posada (a GMOSC Pub of the Year in 2018, but not nearly as good this time, with a disappointing drink selection and frequented by people who think Maidenhead is in either Kent or Essex) and an all-too-brief stop at the Bridge Hotel, where Macleod (M) realised he and I needed to get the next Metro train from nearby Central Station as that was the last of the night going all the way to the airport (and our hotel)

A relatively decent night's kip preceded a short morning stroll to the airport, a much smoother and quicker security check than at Heathrow, a meal deal from Boots, a chat with a friendly retired couple who were off to Belfast for a city break, photos of Phil W. and Macleod (M) with some black and white balloons (a nice gesture by the airport to put them up for us), jealous complaints about Wealdstone (coming back from three down against Eastleigh, signing Mustapha Carayol, having a council that doesn't hate them, etc.) and our flight home (much busier, with the only spare seat being the one next to Murdo; photos of Maidenhead in the distance as we passed overhead); then Macleod (M) and I caught the No. 7 bus to Slough station via Langley (which was an experience!) for the Lizzy Line back to Maido and a tired walk home (to catch the second half of Arsenal vs Chelsea and hear the welcome news that MUFC Women had won the Berks & Bucks Cup for the first time)

Despite the fact it sounds cliched, this game was one of those that reminds us why we bother; however, as good a win as it was, it needs to be the start of a decent run of results – with in-from Aldershot at York Road on Tuesday – rather than a flash in the pan, otherwise relegation is still the likely outcome ... and I want to return to those pubs (the real Fab Four) in Gateshead next season!


Monday, 3 March 2025

Away Day Diary: Forest Green Rovers 2-0 Maidenhead United (01/03/25)


From three clean sheets on the bounce and seven points vs 2005/06 League One clubs Southend, Hartlepool and Oldham (good enough for 4th place in the five-game PPG form guide and 19th in the National League table), Maidenhead United had sadly performed its oft-repeated magic trick of segueing seamlessly into a bad run, with successive home defeats landing us back in the relegation zone and two – effectively three, thanks to our inferior goal difference – points from safety; as such, it was without much/ any hope of a positive result, but still looking forward to an away day – my first on the train since the lowlight that was Sutton in mid-November; my first with him since the draw at Taunton on 12th October – that I met with Macleod (M) for the walk to the station ahead of our first visit to the New Lawn (as mentioned on X, MUFC had played there in the FA Cup in October 2010, but the Macleods, Craig and I had been in Germany that weekend)

Our train – like many others at Maidenhead – was affected by an ongoing points failure at Slough, delayed just long enough for us to feel compelled to sprint across the platforms upon our belated arrival at Reading ... but the 09:59 to Cheltenham Spa had departed on time, and we missed it by a minute or so; to McDonald's for breakfast, where I got the table number wrong (I read 90 rather than 06) and the instore playlist serenaded us with Belinda Carlisle's ode to Charlee Adams – "We're being trolled," lamented Macleod (M), and it was hard to disagree with the sentiment

Ryan D.'s Robbie Williams fandom (he's already seen the Better Man film four times, including once in the cinema on his own) was my main takeaway from time spent on the 10:57 train as we passed the pub close to the station at Kemble (#IYKYK) and chatted with the drummer and lead singer from Prodigal, an alt-metal band, sat alongside us on their way to a rehearsal; the sun was out as we left the station at Stroud in the company of at least one FGR fan, who wished us well while bemoaning a recent defeat at Braintree (!)

Even though it was only a few minutes away (everything seems "only a few minutes away" in Stroud's town centre, which is nice), the fact that we'd lost an hour meant we decided to skip the Ale House (for the moment) and instead met G.M. (who *had* been on the 09:59 train) in the Town Owl Taphouse; decent ale selection, including Hazy Pale from Left Handed Giant (I went to their brewpub in Bristol, the other week, which was great), albeit expensive

Sunny, still  so we sat outside the Queen Vic for a quick drink before the bus ... although, in hindsight, we could've taken our time as the no. 63 was more than 15 minutes late; memories of Cinderford away back in 2010 (same month as the aforementioned cup tie with FGR, coincidentally) as we sat atop a double-decker winding its way through the Gloucestershire countryside

The top four of the MUFC all-time starting appearance makers list features a new name for the first time in several decades, with Alan Massey wracking up his 383rd start to overhaul Derek Gee (which I didn't think would be possible as we exited the cup competitions early and he struggled to even make the bench in recent months); it should go without saying that the skipper is one of *the* greatest players in Maidenhead United's long history, making the majority of his starts at the highest level of non-league (during our golden age) and also holding aloft a championship trophy (an inflatable one!), which very few can say


Godawful defending from those wearing purple gifted the bilious green-shirted hosts an opening goal in the 11th minute – making life harder for ourselves as if it wasn't hard enough already – but we gave as good as we got for the remainder of the first half without having much luck (a deflected effort from Tristan Abrahams hitting the bar) or showing much in the way of clear-headed decision-making (for example, Sam Barratt blasted a right-footed shot high into the stand, then later passed the ball wide when ideally-placed for a left-footed attempt on goal); in truth, I think the home side – jittery-looking on-loan Liverpool keeper an' all – probably had us at arm's length

Referee Abigail Byrne came in for clamorous criticism from some of the 101 travelling fans – *not* because of her gender, but because she made several questionable decisions and also because she was the official who egregiously sent off Thierry Latty-Fairweather ("the left-sided Cafu") vs Solihull before Christmas (Nb. the penalty award for a Tobi Sho-Silva 'handball', resulting in Boreham Wood's winning goal at their place last season, was someone else); she was in no way to blame for our underwhelming second-half performance nor the result in general ... we deserved something from the game with York on Tuesday but nothing from FGR on Saturday

Ecotricity  FGR's shirt sponsors, owned by the club's chairman and major shareholder  make a big deal about green credentials on their website, so they're presumably horrified by the carbon emissions from the long line of vehicles (including our bus on Saturday) stuck in stationary post-match traffic on the only road from the ground to Nailsworth; the whole setup is a bit strange, TBH, with the home support in the fan zone before kick-off resembling folk you'd more typically expect to see in the café at a National Trust location (wearing wellington boots and whatnot)

Excellent drink choices and only £4.40 a pint in the Ale House  my highlight of the day was sitting in there debating 'bin or keep' (few unanimous keeps, you might be unsurprised to learn), and our National League best XI; then G.M. led a supermarket sweep, we had a sing-song on the train (recent additions to the jukebox playlist include tracks from The KLF and Supergrass), and most of us piled into the Portland Arms to join lookalikes of Keir Starmer and Rebekah Staton for karaoke (Ryan D. bottled Angels by his favourite artist, but Macleod [M] did 'All Together Now' for Mick and also duetted with the sister of a former Maidenhead United player), with some staying (perhaps inadvisably) longer than others

Now, we've not yet reached the Rochdale stage, i.e. the defeat in March last season, after which I – and some others – thought we were near-certainties for the drop, but we're not far off and have left ourselves very little wiggle room; a six-point haul from this week's home matches vs Braintree (massive, especially after their win at the weekend) and Sutton (recently defeated 3-0 at home by Spennymoor Town in the FA Trophy) seems, to me, imperative


Wednesday, 15 January 2025

Away Day (sort of) Diary: Altrincham 4-0 Maidenhead United (14/01/25)


After Rochdale in September and ahead of Oldham in February, this was part two of MUFC's 'Greater Manchester in midweek' trilogy; my first away game since the win at Braintree in November and, assuming Forest Green Rovers progress at the expense of Oxford City in the Trophy, and if we decide to give Newcastle-for-Gateshead a miss (more on that later), possibly my last until old favourite Halifax in April! (As previously discussed, the NL fixture computer royally shafted us for 2024/25.)

Leaving Maidenhead after collecting Ally (for Alty) at approximately 14:45, the journey north was a relatively painless one (topics of conversation included QPR's victory in the Copa de Ibiza in 2005), and we were parked close to the J. Davidson Stadium almost exactly three hours later; Sandeep and his crew, who had flown up to Manchester from Heathrow in the morning, happened to be walking past and they joined us for pre-match pints (the MPA was decent) in the King George pub, which, along with our dinner – Macleod (M) was especially complimentary of the pie, chips and curry sauce he got from the renowned chippy opposite the ground – was by some distance the highlight of the evening

There wasn't much – generally speaking – between the two sides in the first half, IMO, as crazy as that sounds, so the fact we went in 4-0 down at the break is an indictment; we eked out three or four presentable chances but couldn't convert any (or even get any on target), whilst they clinically took those we'd gift-wrapped with our now customary inept defending #recipefordisaster (Nb. I'll have to take another look, but it seemed to me – albeit watching from the other end – that Craig Ross got his hands on the ball, so the penalty decision against him was harsh, but it was already 2-0 by then, and we weren't coming back from that hole.)

Remy Clerima – one of my all-time favourite Magpies; who ran the show in last season's corresponding fixture – has been a vital player for us over the years and is someone we've sorely missed due to injury (I've lamented on social media that I've seen more photos of him modelling clothes in Primark and the like during 2024/25 than I have appearances of him on the pitch), so I was pleased he made his first league start of the campaign (and his 248th in total, joint 21st all-time with Trevor Roffey); however, he was run ragged at right-back in the first half, and unless 90 minutes under his belt turns out to be a silver lining (i.e. his knee doesn't flare up again and he's able to start games from hereon in), I'm left to ruminate the distinct possibility that, along with Alan Massey (title-winning skipper and top five all-time appearance-maker, who can't even make the bench at the moment) and Alan Devonshire (MUFC's finest manager twice over, who now seems to be going through the motions and whom it is becoming increasingly difficult to defend), a great Maidenhead United career appears to be nearing its conclusion in regrettable fashion

It has been said, by those who might know, that this (bloated) squad is our most expensively assembled, but I wonder how many National League-quality players we've got? A handful at the very most, perhaps being generous  the club's recent judgment regarding recruitment *and* retention has, IMO, been substandard ...

Noah Stewart  our recent signing from *checks notes* Ballymena United  will hopefully prove to be an excellent buy (Josh Kelly Mk II), but Transfermarkt lists him as 1,89m tall (6'3" or thereabouts), so I was expecting an Emile Acquah-type (big, strong, quick, able to hold the ball up), yet when he came on for the last ten minutes or so last night, he looked roughly the same height as me but about 30 lb. lighter, and a defender brushed him off the ball with consummate ease on one notable occasion; caveats apply (he didn't have much time to shine; the match situation was far from favourable) and it's not really his fault, but, sadly, it was an underwhelming first impression

Chat on the terrace during second-half match action  a snoozefest that closely resembled a pre-season friendly, with Altrincham coming close to adding a fifth via a long ball at the very end  touched upon Aveley vs Chesham United last Saturday in the Conference South; the Dunns went, and they said the standout players were the home side's Tyrese Owen (formerly of Slough) and, for the visitors, ex-Magpie Samson Esan! (Make of that what you will.)

Howay the lads?! We had reached a tentative agreement, pre-match in the pub, that we'd bite the bullet and book flights and accommodation (both rather pricey) regarding Newcastle-for-Gateshead in March, but in the cold light of day ...

At least the return car journey wasn't bad, despite the M6 down to one lane by the Bescot Stadium and two deer risking their lives by running out in front of the MurdoMobile on a foggy A308 close to Bisham roundabout; I got to bed around 01:15 and drifted off to sleep thinking that, the way things are going, and for good or for bad, we probably won't have to concern ourselves with such lengthy midweek treks next season (so, perhaps we *should* book Newcastle-for-Gatehead?!)

Most defeats, most goals conceded, and the worst goal difference (all aside from cut-adrift-at-the-bottom Ebbsfleet) paint a dismal picture; despite the fact we're only in January, it already feels like Saturday's televised home fixture with Fylde  who have two games in hand over us, Wealdstone have three  is a must-win ...