Even though, as recently as April, I was claiming there'd be no more 'bog-standard' (i.e. non-Fancy Dresslemania) Away Day Diaries, here I am – the day before flying to Crete on holiday – prattling on about our very first away game since returning to the regionalised wastelands! (How about new grounds only, including FA Cup and Trophy matches? Deal!)
Not until after I'd messaged Macleod (M), Fuzz and Stuart on Monday with train times and a pub crawl route did the wife remind me of a pre-holiday appointment that (1) she'd booked in May, (2) she couldn't rearrange, and (3) I'd apparently known about; my dad couldn't look after the kids, as he was away camping in Cromer, so Plan B was for me to give Macleod (M) a lift after she'd finished
Fifty-eight minutes after leaving home, we'd parked up on a residential street somewhere near the centre of the triangle formed by the three pubs I'd earmarked for pre-match; topics of conversation on the journey along the remarkably clear M25 included a three-day juice cleanse, inadvertent Audio Description on Craig's TV, and the L.A.V. at Botany Bay (#IYKYK)
Into the first pub – the Wonder, decent boozer this one and the best of the bunch – just before midday, soon joined by Fuzz and then Stuart; Rivertown's Reed proved popular as we endured a Landfill Indie soundtrack, discussing not-Landfill-Indie bands like Butthole Surfers while Fuzz proudly sported a newly-purchased Gibby Haynes tour t-shirt from his gig on Friday night at the Islington Assembly Hall
Efficient use of outside space at pub #2, which happened to be the local Wetherspoons; former Foreign Secretary Douglas Hurd's name cropped up as someone who is still alive despite the fact you could've sworn they'd passed away several years ago, a reminder that sometimes our memories are more unreliable than we'd like to think!
Last of the pre-match watering holes was the Jolly Butchers, where Jerry, Chris Rad. and Calum had been watching the Villa-Newcastle game on TV; Fuzz pointed out that the headband-clad Anthony Gordon looked like Vitas Gerulaitis, who won the men's singles title at the Australian Open in 1977 and is responsible for one of the greatest sporting quotes of all-time
Donkey Lane's car park – sandwiched between the ground and public playing fields – was sizeable and free, which was a pleasant surprise but also a stark reminder that we're not in the National League anymore; after photos outside the art deco-style pavilion, we paid the £16 admission fees and made our belated entry into the re-purposed athletics stadium, complete with long jump pits covered by tarpaulins
The red-shirted Magpies dominated proceedings, as I munched on a tasty chicken souvlaki wrap, and should've been ahead at the interval: Sam Barratt hit the bar with a lob (pulling a hamstring in the process), the generally dreadful referee inexplicably failed to award us a penalty for a clear handball, and Josh Umerah had a one-on-one chance saved after a quick-thinking through ball from the industrious Asher Yearwood
Our hosts – who, TBF, have made the best of their surroundings – seemed to approach the game as if they'd be delighted with a point, and that's what they got; the visitors from Berkshire huffed and puffed, controlling most of the play after the break but failing to force a meaningful save from the opposition keeper, with skipper Will De Havilland heading a glorious chance over the bar in the 92nd minute
Worrying times, in truth, as our playing budget likely dwarfs that of supporter-owned Enfield Town, so a goalless draw here, on the back of last week's similarly disappointing home defeat to Chesham United, isn't good enough (no disrespect to those teams); the mood among the travelling fans – stood on the rooftop terrace after the final whistle, including Ryan D. in limited edition Adidas 'Sulley' trainers – was one of mounting frustration and disillusionment with an amateurishly-run football club that continues to squander money
No traffic on the return journey meant we were home by 8pm, which was a silver lining; my next game will probably be Dover away at the end of the month, and it's a sad indictment that I'm not at all confident we'll pick up many points from the three matches before then – hey ho, yamas!
(MUFC report; match highlights)
all to see a 0-0 at enfield with maidenhead i’m gonna kms
— jimbo slice (@payroll_carti) August 17, 2025
