Away Day (sort of) Diary: Hanwell Town 0-1 Maidenhead United (16/07/24)

Holyport 0-6 Maidenhead United (in the rain), then the 11th Maidenhead Beer Festival with my Dad and sister (the latter has a video of me subsequently murdering Margate by Chas 'n' Dave on karaoke at the Portland), was my debut pre-season friendly of the summer; this visit – my first – to Reynolds Field ("Are you winding me up?! I will refer to it as The Powerday Stadium") likely to be my only other one ... unless I can be bothered to attend the game with West Ham's kids (a precursor to that new crappy cup competition), primarily because it's on a Wednesday and doesn't clash with the local pub quiz that takes off-season precedence

After the disappointment of England's Euros Final defeat to Spain and my sister's return to Sydney following the conclusion of her month-long visit to the motherland, I was looking forward to a (non-beery) evening out watching the Magpies at a new ground; I made steady progress along the A404/ M40/ A40 – spray off the tarmac of the latter indicative of an earlier downpour, as was the photo of a rainbow above the flats behind the main entrance to the ground that accompanied the tweeted announcement of our starting XI – and arrived in time for a couple of photos featuring York Road-esque 'modifications' (some more botched and half-finished than others)

Not until half-time did I notice that the home side's keeper was ex-Magpie Sam Beasant (almost double the height of our Trialist shot-stopper who, as he did at Holyport, replaced Craig Ross at the break); at one point during a largely uneventful first half, Beasant was handed (and put on) a bright red baseball cap by an equally tall older gent who was stood next to us behind his goal – in hindsight, that must've been Dave

Worrying – albeit only to varying degrees, as it is pre-season, after all – that (1) Sam Barratt went off injured early on (Casey Pettit, Reece Smith, and the relatively impressive Zaco Bell also had spells on the deck), (2) our passing was generally sloppy and we created little (Beasant was required to make one notable save from the gangly Joseph Ajose), and (3) Tristan Abrahams felt the need to take his frustrations out on a drinks bottle that he booted near the end ... before a winning goal from lively substitute Ruben Carvalho, which was somewhat against the run of play and literally the last kick of the game

Enjoyable last fifteen minutes or so for LB and me, though, as we sat in plush red seats – which reminded me (genuinely) of those at the Emirates Stadium – on the top deck of the red bus-cum-kiosk-cum-viewing gallery (the row furthest away from pitch-side elevated by a plywood platform, which was a nice touch); I've since discovered that Deal Town has (or had) something similar at their ground, so I'm keen to go with the family if the black and white hoops have a home game when we visit the seaside once again during half-term in October

LB and his old man gratefully accepted my offer of a lift back (they had travelled by Lizzy Line and bus), so they joined me as we drove past what I thought was – but actually wasn't – the Hoover Building (where Alan Dev worked as a forklift truck driver when West Ham signed him from Southall for £5,000 in 1976); the heavens opened as we approached Holyport on the Windsor Road and I had to stay in the car for a bit when I got home to avoid getting drenched on the short walk to the front door ... and to think there's talk of an imminent 'heat bomb'!

Lots of our chat throughout the evening had centred on next season's away days – my first *should* be Aldershot on the last day of next month, although that depends on a prompt and hassle-free arrival back from holiday in Crete; otherwise, it'll probably be Tamworth on 14th September – train tickets already booked for that one!

More thoughts: pic.twitter.com/ND3LWnyt9I

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) July 10, 2024

Away Day Diary: Ipswich Town 2-1 Maidenhead United (07/07/23)

I would've preferred that our fixture with the Tractor Boys at Needham Market FC – announced on 21st June, seemingly arranged as an afterthought – was a Saturday affair, with the KSG attending the Maidenhead Beer Festival on Friday night rather than the two events being the other way around, but, as Macleod (M) pointed out to me, it was still a rare pre-season entry in the 'not-to-be-missed' category (rail disruption notwithstanding); as such, I arranged for the afternoon off work and joined him, plus Craig and Rainey, on the 12:25 departure from Maido (tickets were £40pp on a Group Save discount)

Plush seats on the Greater Anglia train from Stratford to Norwich, which (1) had 12 carriages – and so met with Rainey's approval – and (2) delivered us into Ipswich bang on time; topics of conversation on the pleasantly uneventful journey had included Siouxsie Sioux at the Wolverhampton Civic Hall, the recently-released fixture list (Hartlepool away on a Tuesday night?!), and York City's new owners splashing the cash

Sweltering sunshine as we walked along the waterfront – high-rise apartment blocks of varying attractiveness interspersed with old industrial buildings – to the Briarbank, where we met with Macleod (M)'s old boss (same as the new boss); welcome refreshments were Grapefruit IPA, Mango NEPA, Perpendicular, Briar Cobnut ("Wasn't that the name of a character in The Mighty Boosh?") ... and a pint of Amstel for Rainey! (Musical nugget: Rainey revealed that his most recent gig was Roy Orbison at the Lewisham Concert Hall in 1982.)

We crossed the road – gridlocked with traffic, like seemingly all of the rest – for a quick one in the Lord Nelson (substandard pints of Adnams ... in an Adnams pub!) before passing two historic churches separated by a fenced-off wasteland (which rather sums up the town centre) on the way to the Thomas Wolsey, where I enjoyed perhaps my favourite beer of the day – Wolf Brewery's Golden Jackal – seated at a table on a quaint backstreet

I banged my head – nearly knocking myself out! – on the ceiling outside the gents at the Rampant Horse, a short walk from the station at Needham Market, and Macleod (M) did the same; decent pints of The Mighty Oak's Shady Daze (daze being the operative word!), more happily, as the travelling hordes were witness to a much-anticipated Guess Who? rematch. (I defeated TWS again, as I had done at Halifax's Grayston Unity in 2019, albeit not without controversy on this occasion – expect a third encounter at some point.)

Carl Pentney – initially but incorrectly thought by Macleod (M) and me to have been the instigator of this fixture – was in attendance, and I had a chat with him during the first 45 minutes of what was your standard pre-season fare, played in front of a capacity crowd; Harry Parsons was impressive; our left-back in the second half was not; Big Emile should've had a penalty; Will De Havilland suffered an injury (1 iSPY point); there was a lovely finish from Shawn McCoulsky to equalise (100 iSPY points); our off-the-peg yellow shirt is much easier on the eye than the two released earlier in the week

Horrific – both in terms of price and taste – and unnecessary pints of Madri for Macleod (M) and me at the Station Hotel, crowded train journeys beyond Stratford (thanks to The Weeknd playing at the London Stadium), and a very belated and eye-wateringly expensive (there's a theme developing here) supper at a Queen Street kebab house preceded my 01:45 arrival back home; not ideal preparation for the beer festival, but, then again, pre-season training isn't supposed to be easy!

(Advertiser report; match highlights)

Edged out 2-1 away at Championship Ipswich Town in pre season. All their players have played first team at some stage. Will take that. Well done Maidenhead 👏

— Murdo Macleod (@MurdoMacleod6) July 7, 2023

Away Day Diary: Holyport 0-7 Maidenhead United (09/07/22)

Half-eleven kick-off at Craig's local club; the first MUFC pre-season friendly covered in much/ any detail on here, I think, since Luton Town came to York Road in July 2013 for a fixture that, like this one, coincided with the Maidenhead Beer Festival

On my most recent visit to Summerleaze village (nb. four miles from Holyport village) in July 2009, I remember that trialist Daniel 'son of Dereck' Brown – who would go on to make 166 starts and score ten goals for the Magpies – caught the eye with a high-octane performance as two goals apiece from Alex Wall and Mark Nisbet secured a comfortable 4-1 win

Long and sweaty walk, but Macleod (M) and I made decent headway – stopping for photos in front and behind the Lobster Pot, where Craig and his Holyport mates were supposed to meet us for a pre-match rumble – before arriving at the ground as the teams were waiting to enter the pitch; Macleod (M) had booked our tickets – £10 for entry, a beer and a burger, and a free pint at the festival; so no wonder there was a record crowd (301) – in advance and put my name down as 'Johnson Hippolyte'!

You might be unsurprised to learn a strong Maidenhead lineup – Andre; Chitepo, Eweka, Massey, Beckwith; Esan, Upward, Trialist, Barratt; Acquah (Hoath), McCoulsky (Johnson) – was several levels above the opposition in terms of quality and fitness, and, although the home side should've taken an early lead, a 2-0 deficit flattered them at the break: wayward finishing/ crossing from those in red shirts resulted in me and others regularly risking twisted ankles fetching balls from the ploughed field behind the goal

Port made ten changes in the second half compared to just two late on from the Magpies – yet we still looked like the significantly more energetic group: Shawn McCoulsky completed his hat-trick (eventually), youth team forward Christian Johnson grabbed a brace (celebrating the first – against the side that he will join on loan for the forthcoming season – as if he'd notched the winner in a World Cup Final, which was good to see!), and Eddie Trialist capped a tidy display by getting himself on the scoresheet

Over (pun intended) to the adjoining cricket club (where I used to play as a teenager), straight after the final whistle, for the ninth Maidenhead Beer & Cider Festival: Rainey, Mo Khan, the opposition manager (who I'd bumped into at a petrol station earlier in the day), my Dad, and various other familiar faces would sit and chat with us over the course of the next nine-and-a-half hours (!), as I supped on several decent beverages including By The Horns' Tropika ('inspired by the Pina Colada cocktail, brewed with pineapple puree and coconut flakes'), Bumblebee's Strawberry Mojito cider, and Vault City Brewing's Strawberry Sundae

Rainey getting tear-gassed in Turin during Euro '80 ("there was a Euro '80?!"), and pulled over by the police on the way back from an away game in Essex whilst a passenger in a Ford Escort Mexico, among the more interesting conversation topics before, much later, in front of a sizeable number of people (it was busy throughout the day), a ska covers band performed the worst version of Wonderwall that I've ever heard (yes, even worse than Willie T on karaoke!) – it should, presumably, have sounded something like this:

The quotes for taxis were extortionate – Uber wanted 25 quid! – and so it was another long walk home, but at least (1) the heat had subsided by then and (2) it had been an enjoyable day; time to start planning our trip to Nottingham!

Boozing, nattering away, not watching the game. Standard! https://t.co/avzYl8cLnR https://t.co/sHuL5pTRzx

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) July 10, 2022

Away Day (sort of) Diary: Eastleigh 0-2 Partick Thistle (14/07/15)

Maidenhead United's standout pre-season fixture this summer - at least as far as Macleod (M) and I were concerned - was Wingate & Finchley away: a chance to run the rule over one of their new signings - ex-Magpie youngster Lee Barney - and, perhaps more importantly, tick off another ground (#notgroundhoppers). Imagine our DISGUST upon learning that the fixture was at Bisham Abbey. 

Nae bother! Eastleigh vs Partick Thistle, arranged for the same night, was a more than adequate replacement. How so? 

1. We have a soft spot for the Jags (generally) and their red and yellow striped shirts (specifically)
2. It was high time that Macleod (M) managed to take in a football match at Eastleigh

Allow me to elaborate …

^^^ Brian (above, sans headgear, en route to Gosport Borough in September 2013) and Paddy - both Maidenhead United home and away regulars during the 'Born & Bred' years - are Partick Thistle fans. I presume the former (partial to lusty, post-match sing-alongs in the pub as he is) introduced 'Soggy Sombrero' to the York Road terraces. It has proved immensely popular - I remember one woman I'd never seen before coming to the Canal End to request that we sing it! (We start 'My girlfriend Belinda' - seemingly incorrect: it should be 'My sister Belinda' - and end with repeated chants of 'THE THISTLE'.) 

^^^ Fanfreundschaft was enhanced when a group of Partick fans came down to York Road for our pre-season friendly with Hayes & Yeading in the summer of 2009. Some of them were pictured (above) post-match in the Anchor. Did they wear their Thistle replica shirts? Nope! Believe it or not, they were wearing Maidenhead United shirts. In fact, the Magpies fan in this photo - Bobby P - is wearing a Jags top!

^^^ Maidenhead United's away kit, for a time, was all blue. M@rl*w blue. Imagine that! Akin to Celtic having a blue away kit. Or Aston Villa. Or Liverpool. Ridiculous. Ahead of the 2004/05 season, some supporters purchased a red and yellow kit, a la Partick Thistle, with MUSA emblazoned across the front. (Apparently, the league wouldn't allow for individual shirt sponsors.) I thought it was brilliant. Perhaps unsurprisingly, however, the powers that be soon supplanted it with an inexplicable green and yellow design. Yuk! #awaykitabominations It is my understanding that the original constitution of the amalgamated football club stated the colours were to be black and white, with red. Therefore, it was apt that red once again became our away colour for the (ultimately successful) season in the Southern League. Lamentably, we have since changed to yellow and blue. Slough Town colours. Would Oxford United's rivals (Swindon?) wear yellow and blue? More fool them, if so. Back to square one, methinks, and so time to revive the Thistle kit! I'd buy it, especially as the replica version I have was already MUCH too large for me when I was more than a stone heavier! #tent

^^^ The joke was that Macleod (M) had never seen a football game at Eastleigh FC, despite having played there himself. It wasn't for a complete lack of trying. The above photos are from LCG Dave's stag do in February 2014. The plan was to train it down to Southampton and watch the lunchtime kick-off - Liverpool vs Arsenal - on TV. Then make our way over to Eastleigh for their match-up with Berkshire's finest (Maidenhead United, obvs, although funnily enough, there were some Reading FC fans on the stag). Despite glorious sunshine come 3pm, heavy rainfall in the preceding days meant the Conference South fixture was postponed long before the end of Arsenal's embarrassing capitulation. Instead, we would spend the afternoon watching Southampton vs Hull City - live on Bulgarian TV - in a pub not far from St Mary's. I think that the Reading fans were particularly disappointed by the postponement.

^^^  I'd already seen football at Eastleigh. More than one game. Although our 0-0 draw there in February 2009 sticks in the memory … for all the wrong reasons! THE dullest game I've ever had the misfortune to witness. (We were stone-cold sober, which certainly didn't help!) Macleod (C)'s face, above, rather sums it up. He reckons, though, that he's since seen a worse game. Guess where? Firhill, home of the Jags! Corporate hospitality at Partick Thistle vs Greenock Morton to celebrate Paddy's 50th birthday in November 2010. Macleod (M), who was also there, summarises the game as follows: 'Goals nil. Entertainment nil. Excitement nil. Goalmouth action nil. Skill nil. Corners? Probably nil. Throw-ins? Possibly a couple'. He wasn't at the Eastleigh bore draw. (Banned?) However, despite never having seen a football game at the Silverlake Stadium …

^^^ ... he had played there himself, fronting Ye Gods! at the Solent Cougars Scooter Rally on 28th July 2007, which included camping at the ground. We had enjoyed a legendary night out in Plymouth earlier that month, following our pre-season friendly with Jim Parsons' Plymouth Parkway. (Link #1, Link #2.) Remarkably little or no hangover the next day, despite drinking through the night (hitting Union Street - after a visit to their Smokey Joe's, and Bobby P mistaking a police car for a taxi! - gone 4am). The post-Scooter Rally hangover more than compensated, however, as it was one of the worst of my life (so far). I remember all sitting with our heads in our hands at a McDonald's on the way home. 14th July 2015 - Eastleigh vs Partick Thistle (Captain? Ex-Magpie Abdul Osman) - would, coincidentally, mark precisely eight years since that night in Plymouth. #writteninthestars

^^^ Macleod (M) picked me up from the office. He was also giving a lift to Steve H and Brian. Topics of conversation on the journey down the M3 included the following Fs:

Fabian Delph ~ Steve H was pleased that the Villa captain had turned down Man City; I thought it showed a distinct lack of ambition and that the midfielder should reconsider ...

Facebook ~ Brian Connor - over 400 appearances in a Maidenhead United shirt; #6 on the all-time list - is in his cover photo on the social media site, pictured playing for Slough Town! "I'm a legend for both clubs," writes the man himself

Fakestock ~ a good day, according to Murdo and Steve H, despite no bar outside and a predictably congested Stripes running out of real ales

Farce ~ does anyone know why the previous MUSA chairman has gone? Perhaps his infamous lack of punctuality? If so, it's somewhat that ironic his replacement got elected despite not being present at the Annual General Meeting!

Females ~ Maidenhead United Ladies needed a new manager at the time, with KSG favourite Kerthney Carty linked to the job. Since confirmed! #potentialawayday

Ferdi ~ ex-Magpie midfielder Chris 'cousin of Rio' Ferdinand has joined the coaching staff of ex-Magpie striker Neville Roach at Combined Counties League Division One side Eversley & California #potentialawayday

Fixtures ~ my 'glass half empty' 2015 low lights include Bath City and Concord Rangers away in midweek, Whitehawk away whilst I'm on holiday, and Maidstone away - earmarked as a potential Jolly Boy's Outing - coinciding with an early round of the FA Cup

Fuckers ~ Shamesburys

Anyway, Eastleigh's ground has changed significantly - almost beyond belief. Not least the stand behind the goal, opposite the clubhouse. TBF, it looks good, although how permanent remains open to some debate ...

^^^ Plenty of time for pre-match beers. The away supporters were setting the pace; I was in danger of being 'blootered' before kick-off! Many more Thistle fans than I was expecting; red and yellow everywhere! A mixture of hooped and striped shirts. I was surprised to learn that the former is more traditional. 

^^^ First-half match action. Now, we've seen a few games in Scotland (mainly East Stirlingshire, admittedly), and the quality has always underwhelmed. As such - and even allowing for the fact that the SPL starts earlier, so Partick were presumably further along in pre-season - I wasn't expecting the Scots to completely outclass Eastleigh as they did in the first 35 mins or so. The home side barely had a kick. Thistle took the lead shortly after I'd remortgaged my house to buy a burger (not bad, TBF). Abdul started the move. Obvs. #learntthatatmaidenhead The Jags' number 7 - new signing David Amoo - was the best player on the pitch, and it was 0-2 on the half-hour when his right-wing corner was headed in by a 'big fucking Belgian' (the Mertesacker-esque - in a good way - Frederic Frans). James Constable threatened for the Spitfires just before the break, but Ben Strevens couldn't gain control in midfield; Yemi Odubade could only be cheered by the fact that, for once, he wasn't the tiniest player on the pitch! Brian had earlier lamented the recent loss of some of Thistle's best players - including their keeper to Ross County, outstanding wing-back Stephen O'Donnell to Luton Town, and loanee striker Lyle Taylor - but Callum Booth and Sean Welsh remain, and both also impressed. The aim is to avoid relegation. On this evidence, they will.

^^^ Half-time. While Brian, Steve H and I retreated to the bar. I happily discovered that Gav Villa had become a father to a baby girl and received ridicule for asking what Brian would like to drink (in my defence, Fosters wasn't available!). Meanwhile, Macleod (M) toured the ground. Does anyone recognise these seats?!

^^^ One steward was an absolute spit of Mark Steward. Another assumed that I was Scottish and spoke to me at length about his uncle, Bob Laird, having written a book on Third Lanark.

^^^ York Road-esque. Well, one of the above photos!

^^^ After (1) an 'interesting' conversation with a tattooed, flat cap-wearing Greenock Morton/ Celtic 2CW and (2) having 'IN-GER-LUND, IN-GER-LUND, IN-GER-LUND' chanted at us by the handful of vocal home supporters in the stand (above), Steve H and I each enjoyed an ice cream at the start of the second half ... as the rain got heavier!

^^^ Second-half match action. Rather yawn-inducing. Wholesale changes resulted in typical pre-season fare. Eastleigh substitute Josh Payne - whose generosity, in January, enabled the wife and me to see Woking vs Bristol Rovers for free - showed some silky skills, whilst the Spitfires #20 (Jack Masterton) looked about twelve. 679 was the crowd. Not much else to note. I took to Twitter to pass the time ...

^^^ If my information is incorrect, then I will, of course, apologise. As the Chairman did to me once, via Direct Message on the club forum:

BASELESS ACCUSATION:

'Your access will be removed if you keep opening new accounts and posting previously removed material'

SUBSEQUENT APOLOGY:

'I apologise in this case for wrongly accusing you'

(The Magpie Webmistress was - quite obviously - guilty, not me; I didn't sign up for the soon-to-be register-to-view forum, in any case, and instead started this blog.)

I also recall when Mark Steward felt the need to apologise. It came to light that MUSA money, specifically donated to repair a hole in the old stand roof, was spent on something/ someone else. (MS nailed down a bit of wood and claimed he'd paid a local handyman to do the work before admitting the truth when unable to provide an invoice or receipt. #botchjob)

I can't help myself?! Pot, meet kettle.

^^^ Thistle goalscorer Frederic 'big fucking Belgian' Frans signing autographs for the Frans fans. Decent shot, also, of the now-infamous Kingsley.

^^^ Abdul was, near enough, the last Thistle player into the bar. When he finally appeared, though, he was straight over for a photo (inadvertently doing a Tardif/ Tiryaki: acknowledging the fans of his former team before those of his current). 'What the ... ' he mouthed, shaking his head, after realising that my red and yellow striped shirt was Maidenhead United. "Is Carl Taylor still there?" LOLz. A good lad and a good player (much taller than I remembered, with added muscles). I wish him all the very best.

^^^ Brian with Thistle manager Alan Archibald. 

< insert AA joke here > 

^^^ As we headed for the car, a member of the Jags management staff, walking behind us, belatedly realised that he was going in the wrong direction (away from the team coach). "Where are you staying?" asked Macleod (M), "You can have a lift". "Bisham Abbey," came the reply. Less than a 15-minute drive from York Road! We laughed. Apparently, PTFC had initially intended another PSF down south and tentatively enquired whether Maidenhead fancied a game. Alas, we were already committed to hosting Barnet - zzz - on Saturday 18th. A real shame. Maybe next year. Soggy Sombrero would definitely get an airing! 

THE THISTLE!

Maidenhead Beer Festival

Maidenhead United 0-1 Luton Town

This friendly was part of the Alex Wall transfer. Apparently, the Hatters were somewhat inflexible with the date. Ergo it coincided with the beer festival. My colleague CJ is a big fan of real ale and Luton Town, so I hoped he might accompany me. Alas, he had other plans. *rolls eyes* I went anyway, if only because I was intrigued by the set-up ...

To the Anchor, firstly, where I drank Guinness with birthday boy Jonny Wah Wah, Payney, and Uncle Richard. As England ground the Aussies into the dust - Root becoming England's youngest ever Ashes centurion at Lord's - Landlord Joe showed off the latest addition to the scarf collection (below). A German woman - the partner of a former Nomads player (surname Davies?) - literally had a tear in her eye when she spotted the Carl Zeiss Jena one. The pleasant university city, which we visited in 2011, is her hometown.

It cost £2 - with my Advantage Card - to gain entry to the ground  ... for the beer festival. Some were apparently charged £10 for the football! More fool them. Immediately, I saw two sparsely-populated tents in front of Stripes and jumped to the premature conclusion that the Slough, Windsor and Maidenhead branch of CAMRA is as noddy as the local football clubs. More fool me.

The covered car park - where the drinks *were* served - was absolutely heaving; I could barely get in! If that in itself wasn't surreal enough, then the very first person I saw was Kim, an old colleague ... from Bristol! Small world. 

I had given the Bell End t-shirt an airing, and it proved very popular. One gentleman told me to name my price for it. Not for sale. However, it's clear that MUSA should consider stocking the design in the Magpie Megastore. All proceeds, of course, to the Stand appeal.

Hardly anyone paid much attention to the game (taking place, it must be pointed out, on an excellent-looking pitch). One old boy asked me who was playing. "I didn't even know Maidenhead had a team," was his response after I'd told him. He knows now. Will he be back? Yeah, but only for next year's beer festival, one suspects. 

Dark Munro - from Orkney - and Weird Beard Brew's Black Perle were my picks of the ales. They went down a treat. Safe to say that we were all rather merry (not least me) as we headed back to the pub. Conversation - rather heated, at times - centred on the forthcoming trips to Whitehawk, Gosport ... and Ebbsfleet. Now, I can think of about a billion other places where I'd rather be, on August Bank Holiday Monday, but an argument put forward is that we should go and 'lay the ghosts'. Hmmm, we shall see ...