"As for Maidenhead, the conga (which was amusing) aside, quite a strange bunch really – some the oddest chants I've ever heard at a football match" ~ localboy86, Amber Planet forum, 26th April 2015

Wednesday 25 December 2013

Monday 16 December 2013

Away Day Diary: Barrow 0-2 Maidenhead United (14/12/13)

^^^ I received a Facebook message, post-match, asking if I had been one of the five Maidenhead fans - mentioned by the commentators, apparently, on BBC Radio Cumbria - standing and singing in the rain, behind the goal, during the second half. Of course! #hardcore

There was some consternation - in the days leading up to the game - regarding the numbers (or lack of) that we would take up north. In fairness, you cannot blame Maidenhead United fans for failing to keep a proposed FA Trophy date free! Fortunately, unlike Macleod (M), I had no plans and would be going. However, not decided until the preceding Thursday that Will H, Rainey and I would be driving up with Mr Logic and then - as our chauffeur would be staying overnight, in Yorkshire, with an old friend - letting the train take the strain on the way back.

It was a bright and breezy morning as Logic picked me and Will H up from the  Windsor Loser Castle pub car park. Surprisingly enough, he was only a few minutes late, and after collecting Rainey, we were motoring up the M40 before 9am. We made good headway. Despite several unnecessary and increasingly-infuriating speed restrictions on the M6, plus a pit-stop at Charnock Richard services (named after a West Indian fast bowler?) - we were on the A590, following signposts for Barrow-in-Furness, after what felt like only a couple of hours or so (probably much longer for Logic!). The A590 seemed to wind on for ages, but in time the picturesque hills marking the edge of the Lake District gave way to some rather ugly-looking housing estates. Then, to our left, appeared the huge floodlights of Holker Street. We headed on - past the Travelodge that I'd considered staying in - towards town, where we had agreed to meet with Les (who had travelled up as far as Preston via a leaky Megabus, the night before). "Find a decent boozer and let us know where you are," I had instructed him by mobile phone ...

^^^ The Old Bank, Duke Street. If this constitutes a decent boozer in Barrow, then I'd hate to drink in a sh!t one. All the locals seemed transfixed by the television - showing Man City vs Arsenal - even after the half-time whistle had sounded, shortly after our arrival, and repetitive adverts played. There was little in the way of an atmosphere, the room smelt damp, and I counted two large blue bottles buzzing around. Still, the drinks tasted OK and were inexpensive. Furthermore, it was a refuge from the rain that, as forecasted, had started to fall (not that it bothered the scores of kids playing football in the middle of streets lined with terraced houses in scenes reminiscent of an LS Lowry painting).

^^^ Caption competition. A smashed-up Dell keyboard to the winner ...

^^^ Safe to say that the North West Evening Mail had seen Drax's interview with the Advertiser. 'We have to earn the right to play,' plus other cliched guff. "He's Johnson Hippolyte. He says what he wants!"

^^^ Will H kindly offered to go in the boot - so that Les could have a lift to the ground - but, in the end, the latter decided to walk. During the five-minute car journey, we passed Simply Pleasure, which claims to be 'the best adult shop in Barrow'. I half expected them to have a full-page advert in the match-day programme, a la The Honeypot/ Maidenhead United, but no deal. Perhaps the Bluebirds are above such tawdriness? Good on them, if so. En route, we would also pass the train station plus a statue of local boy Emlyn Hughes, whilst the radio brought news of Man City's sixth goal (back in the pub, at 3-2, I had predicted a 6-3 final scoreline ... should've called Ray). We would use the Soccer Bar car park - an old gentleman appearing, seemingly out of nowhere, to charge a bargain £1.00 - directly outside the ground ...

^^^ ... of Furness Rovers FC - playing in a West Lancashire League game! (Barrow AFC's ground is next door.) The massive Asda in the background would come in very handy later on ...

^^^ You had to go into the rather swish Ticket Office before heading for the turnstiles. Please don't ask me why they didn't sell tickets at the gate. Regardless, I genuinely couldn't understand the girl's accent on the desk. I gave her two notes - a tenner and a fiver - and got £2 change! :-O

^^^ Club Shop Guy would be drooling ... and rightly so.

^^^ In the ground. It could be twinned with York Road. Well, the toilets, at least. Fortunately, the photo of the urinals didn't make it past the GMOSC censors.

^^^ Floodlight Fancy

^^^ I liked Holker Street. It reminded me a bit of Worcester City's (old) ground. Although, upon reflection, that probably had as much to do with the colour scheme as anything else!

^^^ Minus points - obviously - for two uncovered ends, but the bar (which, it transpires, was on the second floor of this building) wasn't bad. The pitch, meanwhile, looked the part and held up impressively.

^^^ The Holker Street End. The Barrow 'Kop'. The Barrow 'Bell End'. Down there, second half, pouring rain or no pouring rain.

^^^ We stood in the cowshed, during the first half, alongside the noisy home support. Fair play to 'em. They had a good range of songs (several celebrating successes at Wembley - "We always win at Wembley!" - in 1990 and 2010). They also had a rattle! TBH, I struggled to understand much of what they were saying. (Some lyrics are in this thread.) We were quiet initially, perhaps somewhat intimidated by our proximity to the home fans. Logic did lead us in a few chants as the opening 45 wore on, prompting the northerners to mock - by impersonation - our 'cockney' accents ... sounding like the love children of Danny Dyer and Dame Edna Everidge.

^^^ The teams emerge. 

"Farnborough Town vs Reading? Sh!t, we're at the wrong match!"

It don't run in our blood
That kind of luxe just ain't for us
We crave a different kind of buzz


^^^ Match action. Reading Barrow had much the better of the first half. Twice they hit the side-netting ("You/ we thought you had scored, you/ we were wrong"). Maidenhead could barely string two passes together, with Richard Pacquette isolated up front. Harry Grant was wearing 10 - and playing in the traditional number 10 role - but looked a little lightweight, while Devante McKain (like Grant, a Gillingham loanee) was having an absolute nightmare, out-of-position, at right-back. Jacob Erskine, conversely, appeared surprisingly assured at centre-half. My pre-match prediction of 1-1 looked pretty good at the break. 

^^^ Arf!

^^^ Love this. Barrow finished 8th, under Colin Appleton, in the old Third Division back in 1967/68 and spent a total of 51 seasons in the football league.

^^^ The view from the bar at half-time. The rain got noticeably heavier with about ten minutes to go before the interval, and the noisy element among the home fans departed - almost en masse - for the clubhouse. On his way past us, their chant leader - their Macleod (M) - stopped and re-iterated several times that we were welcome to join them for a drink in the bar. It wasn't a threat. And we didn't need much encouragement! I/ we have encountered Barrow fans on a few occasions: when they beat us at York Road en route to winning the Trophy in 2010; when Macleod (M) and I went to Wealdstone vs Barrow (also in the Trophy); in a pub, somewhere in London, as our paths crossed on the way back from respective games (I remember they had been at Ebbsfleet ... or at least agreed that Ebbsfleet are ####s). Despite a reputation to the contrary, I have always found the Bluebirds to be a good bunch - still the only away fans to voluntarily donate to the Anchor scarf mural, let's not forget - and it was no different on Saturday. I certainly wish them all the best. On another occasion, we might've stayed with them in the (reasonably-priced) bar and drank through the second half. Although, as I commented to the chant leader (a native of Aberdeen, incidentally), we hadn't come all that way to spend the afternoon indoors; the terrace behind the goal beckoned. He understood.

^^^ Their keeper may have saved this shot, but he had been helpless moments before (just as we arrived in position), as Pacquette coolly drilled home a low shot to open the scoring. Buoyed by the goal and with the wind increasing in our favour, Maidenhead's confidence seemed to soar, and we began to dominate proceedings.

^^^ The wind was howling, and the rain was sheeting down at this point, but several blasts of "You are my Bell End!" kept the blood circulating. "Can we play here every week?" also got an airing.

^^^ The corner flag - above - kept getting blown over. At one point, the referee dispatched one of the Maidenhead subs to return it to an upright position. It didn't last long. "Call it off!" we joked. The locals, in contrast, were getting increasingly restless. After last week's 6-0 home reverse, patience is clearly in short supply. New manager Darren Edmondson looks to have a very tough job on his hands. The wind was blowing the ball from its spot every time their keeper tried to take a goal kick, in fairness, whilst clearances from their centre-halves were barely making the halfway line. Maidenhead also had the bit between their teeth now; a crunching tackle from Adrian Clifton, and a spectacular sliding block by Erskine, typifying the commitment shown and suppressing standard 'southern softy' jibes from the crowd. Barrow was there for the taking, and I thought we could've tried a few more potshots, bearing in mind the conditions. As it was, the win was secured when Danny Green - clearly back to his early season good form - guided an effort into the top corner, sparking delirious celebrations on the terrace. The departing home fans were soon serenaded with the obligatory "We can see you sneaking out"Several wished us good luck in the next round. I proposed a - swiftly declined - conga. Probably not my best idea.

^^^ Much applause from the players at the end. Well earnt. They deserved our recognition in return, as it had been a wholehearted team display in trying conditions. A comment on the Barrow forum, however, sums things up rather neatly: 

"Good luck in the next round Maidenhead, decent fans who made the long trip, you too have a rubbish team but not as spineless as ours" ~ barrowaberdeen

^^^ Big ups from Danny Brown and Harry Pritchard on social media. Much appreciated. Good lads.

^^^ The grandstand after the final whistle. It was then back to the bar for another quick pint (I was disappointed to learn that Rovers had lost, to a late goal, at nearby Morecambe). Here we would chat with another home fan. When asked what had gone wrong* he replied: "To answer that would take all night". I think that most readers will be able to guess the short answer: one of the Barrow players on Saturday had reportedly journeyed from his home in Skegness! It is disgraceful what has happened there. Some people should be ashamed of themselves. They probably aren't. I suppose it does put the likes of Chairman Who Knows His Football Swearing, Drax etc., into some perspective ...

*Barrow, after playing at both Middlesbrough and Sunderland in the FA Cup in recent years, and winning the Trophy in 2010, now faces a second successive relegation and has seen average attendance drop from 1,500 to 500 (547 was the attendance on Saturday).

^^^ Will H and I finished our pints sharpish and headed to the aforementioned Asda superstore for a carry-out: 20 cans of Guinness for £16. We tried to find some brandy and cigars in honour of Drax, but time was against us. After a brisk walk down Holker Street, we met with Rainey, Les, Educated Left Foot, Chris Rad. and his friend ahead of the 18:03 Northern Rail departure.

^^^ While Rainey and the Youth headed for Preston, the rest of us were changing at Lancaster. I've read that the University of Lancaster has (or had) a disproportionately high suicide rate. Strange, as the place looked anything but depressed. We didn't have to walk far - past several fancy-looking restaurants - to find a boozer (the Robert Gillow) to spend 45 minutes. A woman in white cowboy boots played the guitar while others ate generously-portioned pub grub.

^^^ There was also a massive wine fridge! What in the world?!

^^^ After helping a couple of American students with their suitcases, back at the station, gentlemen that we are, it was all aboard the (slightly delayed) 19:44 to Euston. Topics of conversation - as we steadily made our way through the Guinness - included: who we'd like in the next round (favoured were - in no particular order - away ties at Grimsby Town, Lincoln City, Guiseley, Tamworth, or Cambridge United); the Baader-Meinhof gang (I'd watched the rather excellent film, the night before); shared experiences of Desborough School teachers (Desborough boys on tour!). We also chatted with the Queen of the South first team squad - who got out at Wigan en route to their Christmas party (weekend) in Liverpool - and a group of middle-aged guys from Chorley (who face a replay in the Trophy with Forest Green Rovers).

^^^ Those who'd changed at Preston weren't initially sat with us. I went to fetch Rainey (from first class), Chris Rad. and a friend (he told me his name, so my bad). Return train tickets - not cheap - for those two (or at least one of them) were early Christmas presents. Eat your heart out, Santa! For this had been an away game for the ages. I think that the long distance, the fact that so few of us had travelled, and the importance of the game (season over if we'd lost) had created just the sort of 'us vs them' spirit that, as Macleod (M) pointed out in his recent blog post, we've been missing for some time. A togetherness - a bond - further augmented by the team display and, ultimately, the result. Educated Left Foot and I, for example, sat alongside one another for the entire journey between Lancaster and Euston and didn't exchange one angry word! Yes, it was that type of day. Football, eh? (Sometimes, at least.) As per The Streets: "They could settle wars with this, if only they will". Educated Left Foot perhaps summed it up even better with the following Tweet (which I would've re-tweeted, but I think he's blocked me, so I can't): 

^^^ Anyway, we would raise cans for those Magpies who wanted to be there but, for one reason or another, couldn't make it. Next round, boys, next round.

^^^ Back to the Big Smoke. A short walk, in the rain, to the tube station. Is the road to Wembley closed? Nope. It goes via Cleethorpes. In January. Dare to dream. 


P.S. My euphoria was further enhanced, upon finally reaching home (just after midnight), when I discovered that Macleod (M), Willie T and I had made the GLC Tour Blog (again). Next to a photo of a rather horrific-looking zit, unfortunately, but never mind. #famousasfuck

P.P.S. Macleod (M) - any chance of the Daventry Town blog post making its appearance sometime soon?! Already a round late ... ;-)

P.P.P.S. I was there! #barrowtwelve

Match highlights HERE

Wednesday 11 December 2013

On Barrow-ed Time

This past week has seen Maidenhead United's support really hit rock bottom ...

Apathy reigns.

Or it would do, if anyone could be bothered.

The evidence? 

1 - More Directors than fans at the recent MUSA meeting. 

OK, so holding it on a Friday night probably wasn't the best of ideas, but still. 

Cloughie proudly proclaims that there are over 100 MUSA members. Correct, but that's just a statistic. What does it actually mean? Not much, clearly, other than people paying a fiver to get rid of him when he comes around the terraces, droning at them. It's certainly a cheap way for a guilt-free year, with no strings attached on the commitment front. That's enough of the seedy analogies, though.

The meeting was to discuss the Chairman's vision of the future for York Road, the new stand etc. Big stuff. Arguably the most significant ground development since the 1930s. Not whether the club had signed the latest Division 6 South superstar. 

For the record, I couldn't be arsed to go and spend my time in such a soul-sapping environment - the Club Shack - with a load of people, many of whom I have no time or respect for.

2 - More players, albeit from MUFC Ladies, than fans at the MUSA race night.

Apparently a decent night in The Anchor, with the Ladies doing the club proud, on the sauce with those fans who did attend. 

Of course, this is wholly unprofessional of them and fully explains why their form has been appalling recently, winning just the seven games since their male counterparts managed a victory in the league at Gosport Borough. 

It's just as well Drax doesn't run the Ladies side, otherwise he'd have suffered heart failure. I mean, drinking the day before a game?! Maybe that's where we've been going wrong. I can feel another wacky drive-around-the-town-to-a-home-game gimmick coming on. If they do want to try said gimmick, let us know and we'll give the squad some coaching en route. What's another three coaches?

Anyway, once I've finished typing this tosh I'm off to the Ladies website (more seedy analogies) to trawl the fixture list and find out when they're playing next. They sound like my kinda team!

Just a shame that only a fraction of those aforementioned MUSA members could be bothered to support the Link Foundation and stand appeal. Still, there's only another 496 seats to raise funds for now.

For the record, I had a Christmas do.

3 - Just 7 (SEVEN, videprinter style) fans wanting to go on the MUSA coach to Barrow.


We took about 55-60 to Blyth Spartans. We'll be lucky to have 5-6 at Barrow, based on the interest shown. 

Yes, so it's just before Christmas - some will be strapped for cash and the odd fan may have a Christmas do - but what about everyone else? How often do chances like this come up? The aforementioned game at Blyth was nearly 13 years ago and is still talked about now. Songs relating to it still get an airing ("Oh Logic pulled"). It is legendary. The 'Miss Whitley Bay G String 2000' competition (held over from the previous year!), a standing ovation from the home support when we left their clubhouse, drunken but friendly tomfoolery well into the early hours, a totally fixed B&B room draw (live from the front of the coach), the coach driver offering to play porn videos on the way up. I'm getting misty-eyed just typing this!

I can recall when the Blyth draw was made and most people (bar Club Shop Guy) were as excited as a kid on Christmas Day who's just been given the latest Sony X-Box One Apple Wii.

In stark contrast, the general consensus re Barrow is one of disdain. 

Terrible draw, too far away, would've preferred someone at home, yada yada yada. 


Most fans - the 'real' ones Drax likes to talk about - of other Skrill (shit sponsorship, BTW, what is it?) South clubs think that we have the most amazing draw possible. For all the reasons I've mentioned above. They reckon we got the plum tie. Most of us clearly beg to differ. We don't deserve such a good draw, IMO, it's wasted on us.

For the record, I'm abroad with work. Gutted at missing it, though.

I do genuinely feel sorry for Rainey (© sponsored by Dell keyboards) - who, as usual, attempted to organise the supporters' coach - but this is the culmination of the way the club's support has gone over the last few years. 

OK, so it's not all about "us lot" - as Carney used to say - but who has come in to replace the dyed-in-the-wool-home-and-away-every-week-sing-yourself-hoarse-half-day-off-work-for-yeovil-away supporter? 

Casual spectators - who are more interested in their twitter feed - and those with nothing else to do but avoid the shops or the pub for an afternoon.

Yes, things have changed in the way people view football over the last 10 years and the pace of life nowadays dictates that people's time appears ever more valuable, so the malaise doesn't just affect MUFC but most sports clubs. Casual home support is one thing, however, but a club's hard-core support can usually be measured by those who take the time to travel away on a regular basis. And this now appears down to virtually zero.

Is it because the team is struggling on the pitch? No, IMO, although that doesn't help. We've watched the team struggle in various divisions over the last 20 years. Drax does appear to have taken this to new heights, however. Or should that be lows?

Anyway, I recall the likes of Bumfluff and Gordon making it fairly clear that one of the main reasons they started - or, more accurately, continued - watching the club was because of the fact there was some atmosphere; you could have a sing-song and a bit of a swear. Ditto, the likes of Freddie J and Lenny B. 

The main point - which the club ignore, or are too stupid to understand - is that the quality of the 'product' on the pitch is nowhere near the top of the list of requirements for following a non-league club. It's about meeting like-minded people, enjoying the camaraderie and togetherness. Us versus the world. Turn up and make a difference. 

That's all gone now. 

Barrow should be the highlight of the supporter's season. A long-distance beano, a night or two away and the chance to possibly bond a bit with the players and management. Not to mention a very winnable game. 

Sad to say, but Fancy Dresslemania represents the only (fleeting) chance for this to happen these days. Even then, I'm getting bored of it; going out of habit and/or loyalty, having done all of them. It feels like the last remaining constant, for me, supporting Maidenhead United. And even that is hanging by a thread.

I've gone mad. Maybe I've also stopped caring.

Sunday 24 November 2013

Away Day Diary: Bath City 1-0 Maidenhead United (23/11/13)

Much like the players, none of whom could be bothered to acknowledge the vocal support from the travelling fans at Twerton Park yesterday afternoon, I can't be bothered to write a proper away day diary. Needless to say, Maidenhead United lost at Bath City. As we always do. Those delirious on-pitch celebrations, following play-off final success against the 'Students', seem like a lifetime ago ...

Only a solitary goal from David 'hard-working' Pratt separated the teams but, in truth, the home side were relatively comfortable winners. Indeed, Maidenhead's display was summed up rather nicely, late on, by a desperate Alfie Mawson shot that landed somewhere close to Oldfield Park station. Only 501 (yeah, right!) were there. Perhaps not coincidentally, this was easily the least impressive Bath City XI that I've seen. The on-pitch entertainment, in general, certainly wasn't worth the £12 entry fee.

Talk on the terraces and in the pub(s) concerned not if or when Drax will go, but who will (eventually) replace him. The name of a former Didcot Town manager - and current BBC Radio Berkshire sports presenter - cropped up on more than one occasion. Over 300 appearances for Reading FC - and recent on-air 'matey banter' with Educated Left Foot - presumably make him a popular choice with the Twitterati.

My view - not that it counts for anything, of course - is that changing the manager, at this time, would be akin to rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Or, as Chairman Who Knows His Football Swearing might say, rearranging the fuckin' deckchairs on the fuckin' Titanic.

Daventry Town away in the Trophy next Saturday. I can't make it. Meh. The Macleods will, apparently, be going. After an hour-long bus ride from Banbury (!), the least that they - and the other travelling fans - deserve is a quick show of appreciation, at the final whistle, from those paid to represent Maidenhead United ... even if Macleod (M) is again wearing his Leeds United Carl Zeiss Jena scarf! ;-)

^^^ STOCK PHOTO ALERT! The view from seat G1.

Monday 21 October 2013

People in glass houses ...

... shouldn't throw stones.

People who have been openly critical of the MUFC Ltd Board certainly shouldn't 'throw' bins!

Maidenhead United 1-3 Dorchester Town

Last Saturday was a thoroughly depressing day, both on and off the pitch, at York Road.

At least it was for the Berkshire Magpies ... those from Dorset, conversely, seemed to thoroughly enjoy themselves!

TBH, I am not sure if/ when these will be uploaded to the Mothership.

Footage is probably already on it's way to the League, however, to identify and punish th'brainless morons' *rolls eyes* who let off smoke bombs (Dorchester; note plural), invaded the pitch (both; Dorchester first) and slung bins over the advertising hoardings (both; Dorchester first).

Some of the language was disgusting as well ... one bloke got right in my face, as I was leaving; so much so that I could feel the spittle spewed as he launched into a foul-mouthed rant whilst jabbing me in the arm and chest with his finger. 

"I'll fucking swear when I fucking want!" foamed the Maidenhead United FC Ltd Chairman, as I asked him to stop effin and jeffin, after confirming that I would pick up the bin I had man-handled in order to prevent the lifetime ban that he had subsequently threatened (bearing in mind Maidenhead's wretched form, a lifetime season ticket might prove to be a more effective penalty!) 

"Watch me get into trouble for this," 

I had remarked, when lifting the (empty) bin over the advertising hoardings (but - deliberately - not onto the actual playing area), following Hippolyte Jnr's late tap-in.

"whilst others get away, scot-free, with various misdemeanors".

Punches thrown (that shaven-headed, pink jumper-wearing Merthyr Tydfil fan in Stripes; Eastleigh the other week), constant bad language (including, as is now evident, the Chairman), pitch invasions (Newport fans; Dorchester fans; Maidenhead Reading fans :-P ), spitting/ throwing things at the opposition keeper (Billericay fans - as mentioned in the referee's report and discussed at a subsequent Board meeting - plus Maidenhead fans vs St Albans and, more recently, Slough*)

* BTW – describing the sweary, irrelevant chants of the Leodensians as 'fantastic support at the Bell End' is trolling, pure and simple.

What happened to those 'brainless morons'?

Sweet FA.

None were ejected, while the clearly-identifiable Merthyr fan was even allowed in for a game just a few weeks after lumping Willie T full in the face!

"We're only volunteers, what can we do?" is the tried and tested excuse. Only 'more professional' when it suits, eh?

Perhaps the issue of drinking on the terraces needs to be looked at, then, likewise the £2 a pint pre-match drink promotions?

And maybe a proportion of the budget should be spent on proper stewarding? (like at Ebbsfleet ... Arf!)

Otherwise - and this is a more serious point - someone may well get hurt.

Then all the 'family club' guff really will look stupid ... or, if you would prefer, 'brainless' and 'moronic'.

"Take responsibility for your actions," demanded a rather animated Educated Left Foot (as chippy as the Chairman ... drinking on the terraces, per chance?)

Fair enough.

I will hereby prohibit myself from games at York Road until at least the end of this season (the current match-day experience is a far-from-enjoyable one, anyway, plus I now won't have to continually justify my non-attendance to the MMS).

Speaking of Educated Left Foot and the MMS, though, what about the member of their group who (voluntarily) went over the hoardings (after Maidenhead's goal, and before the bin did)?

Will they be on the receiving end of a spittle-spewing, finger-jabbing, expletive-laden tirade from the Chairman?

Or - and this is the point that I am at pains to make - is it one set of rules for some and a completely different set for others?

PS. Is there anyone left who doesn't share my view – first expressed several years ago – that multi-year contract extensions for the manager are an unnecessary extravagance?

PPS. I love Dorchester's Partick Thistle-esque away kit!

Sunday 13 October 2013

Marching On Together? No.

Maidenhead United 1-3 Slough Town

Shock! Horror! I attended a Maidenhead United home game yesterday; my first of the season. As such, I didn't need to rely on Educated Left Foot's Tweets for match updates. Instead, I posted some of my own. Not everyone is on Tw@tter, however, and so - for those sensible people who aren't - I will reproduce and expand upon them, on here, to paint a fuller picture of the Magpies' embarrassing B&B Cup exit.

^^^ The blog post linked to above can be found here. I counted nine away fans, then, in a crowd of 151. There may have been more, but not many.

^^^ This tweet generated a few bites from Slough fans (or Slough residents, at least). 'We're the bigger club,' they whined. Maybe so. A bigger club that's been playing in division(s) below us since 2000/01, though, and one which doesn't have it's own ground. 

^^^ Maidenhead started well, both on and off the pitch. In the previous 4-1 game, Drax's boyz were 2-0 up after about ten minutes. Slough - backed by at least 20 fans this time (five per flag handkerchief) - could've had no complaints if history had repeated itself. Those leading the Magpie chanting, meanwhile, seemed to have northern accents ...

^^^ After wearing green last time, Slough were now in a purple away kit with yellow trim (and I, regrettably, had purple chinos on). No need to panic, just yet, though ...

^^^ I didn't check the match-day programme, but presume that we are still sponsored by the lap-dancing club as well? Educated Left Foot, meanwhile, had tweeted that Slough's lead was deserved. Not sure what game he was watching.

^^^ It transpired that those responsible for the aforementioned transgressions were Leeds United fans, one of whom lived in Reading and had persuaded his mates to come along to this fixture. They soon tired of cheering for Maidenhead and lapsed into their usual match-day ditties. 

The MMS, meanwhile, are a collective of (mainly) Reading FC fans  - encouraged and augmented by Educated Left Foot - who have, over recent seasons, been coming down to York Road to watch Maidenhead United.

They once loudly celebrated, down the Canal End, after learning that Reading had scored a goal ...

We - accompanied by the Youth - countered with a chant of "There's only one team in Berkshire"

They subsequently moaned about this ('You should be grateful for our support' was the gist) on the old Advertiser forum ... 

We kindly explained - as if we should have to - that Reading fans can expect to be on the receiving end of some light-hearted jibes from Maidenhead fans, esp. after so obviously celebrating a Reading goal at a Maidenhead home game.

They printed out a batch of calling cards which they placed on the bar in Stripes ... 

We took most/ all of them and uploaded the following image to Tw@tter during the Fancy Dresslemania XIII pre-match pub crawl: 


Now, these MMS blokes are - seemingly to a man - the type that spend almost all of their waking hours on Tw@tter; no doubt proud of their hundreds of Followers and several thousand Tweets (highlighting the use of innuendo on Coronation Street; endless photos of their newly-purchased multi-coloured trainers; dogs in football scarves etc., etc.). As such, it was perhaps inevitable that there would soon be some references to GMOSC on there.

Last year I noted one of them poking fun at a denim jacket - with a large heavy metal band logo on the back (not my thing, admittedly) - worn at a midweek home game by an old friend of ours. 

Earlier this season, meanwhile, another mentioned 'some shitty blog that no-one reads' (now this blog might well be shitty, but there's a 'Total Pageviews' box - on the left-hand side - and not all of those are me!). 

Then last month, after Maidenhead's 3-1 home defeat to Eastleigh, there was a (relative) torrent of Tweets (both @maidenheadutd - the original and still the most followed Maidenhead United handle - and @gomadstopcaring). 

I can only assume that there had been a special promotion, on Fosters, in Stripes! 

Below is a sample conversation:

As potty-mouthed as Chairman Who Knows His Football Swearing. 

Anyway, back to yesterday ... 

^^^ Maidenhead were still dominating play, despite being behind, and so it was little surprise to me when we equalised. Danny Green, Reece Tison-Lascaris and Harry Pritchard clearly had the beating of their respective men. The diminutive Slough keeper, meanwhile, got a mild soaking of Fosters in the post-goal celebrations. Regular readers of the blog will know what I mean by 'Rasher on it'. #shathimself

^^^ After finally dragging themselves level, Maidenhead then proceeded to shoot themselves in the foot; conceding two soft goals - and effectively throwing the game away - in the minutes immediately prior to the half-time whistle. They could justifiably have been booed off at the break, but the only significant noise - from either set of supporters - came from the Berkshire Whites. Apparently Leeds are Champions of Europe. I must've missed that.

^^^ Into the second half. Green, RTL and Pritchard continued to impress for the home side, and the chances kept coming. As he had at Gosport, however, Michael Malcolm missed a header that can indisputably be classified as an 'absolute sitter'. T*ttenham Hotspur reportedly paid £1M to W@nky Wanderers for Malcolm when he was a 14 year-old prospect. Trust the Spuds! The Slough CF, BTW, was Ed Smith.

^^^ By this time, Daniel Darlington from the Advertiser had also tweeted that Slough 'fully deserved' their lead. Again, I cannot agree with this. Yes, the visitors were playing well - presumably their best performance of the season - but a Maidenhead side that looked off their game were still the ones pressing. As per the above Tweet, Slough's keeper - Jake Somerville - was impressive. I would give him the MoM nod (which tells you something, methinks). Incidentally, Carl Taylor was finally sacked - if I remember correctly - after an embarrassing home defeat in which the opposing keeper was the game's stand-out player. Just saying!

^^^ The Magpies were starting to huff and puff at this stage, and the Bell End's interest in the game was waning. Maidenhead United flattering to deceive in front of a 'bumper' home crowd, Cloughie burying his head in the sand when it suits him, death and taxes.

^^^ 1.FC 1899 Bruchsal vs VfR Mannheim in the Oberliga Baden-W├╝rttemberg was better quality than this.

^^^ The inebriated, northern oiks - who claimed that they are currently banned from Elland Road - were becoming really rather annoying now, as they persisted with their Leeds songs and bantered with the home fans. "You're just a small town near Bradford," taunted the Bell End, "You're just a town full of Leeds fans," came the response. I was fully expecting them, at some point, to start banging on about Plusnet broadband!

Non League Day.


In practice, is NLD - as a Dover Athletic fan, who I follow on Tw@tter, so eloquently put it - a 'patronising load of w@nk' ... and unlikely to have any long-lasting positive impact?

IMO, Yes.

Non league clubs like Maidenhead United need to stop acting like the overweight, unattractive bird who is desperate to intermittently shag the non-committal, unfaithful bloke simply because she doesn't think that she can get anyone else.

^^^ United - clearly missing the presence, upfront, of the still-injured Richard Pacquette - were getting increasingly desperate now. Town, not co-incidentally, were looking increasingly comfortable. Their two centre halves had been solid throughout, certainly more so than their Maidenhead counterparts. I love Mark Nisbet (he scored at King's Lynn, afterall) and have heard good things about Matt Ruby. Both are injury-prone, however. Chopping and changing centre halves - whether through choice or otherwise - is not a good idea, IMO. Drax needs to decide upon a durable partnership and stick.

^^^ Telling, methinks, that no-one seemed particularly surprised nor angry at the end (except maybe LCG Dave!). Results like this one have rather typified Drax's tenure as manager. He can (and will) make lame - now much-derided - excuses and/ or threaten the players that they'll soon be out of a job. What will actually change? Nothing. Meh.

^^^ This is a reference to a recent Advertiser article. @therealdrax, meanwhile, remains one of the very best parody accounts out there ... and is one of the reasons, IMO, why Drax should remain as Maidenhead United boss! (Another being that I have zero confidence in the Board replacing him with someone better.)

^^^ Top eight?? :-D 

When will people learn that the brandy and cigars should be left well alone, at least until we've finished one place above the drop zone (or have won the AGM Cup again)? Instead, certain people continue to over-excite themselves after a half-decent August and September.

Anyway, I'll finish with some (attempted) funnies of my own:

^^^ 'Foul & Abusive language is strictly prohibited within the ground'. Or not. Depends on who it is. (Craig's first competitive Maidenhead United home game, incidentally, since before you-know-what.)

^^^ A mirror in Stripes? Presumably this is so the players can take a long, hard look at themselves ... once they've finished giving each other marks out of ten, of course, and only if they can actually be bothered going into the bar.

^^^ Only another £159,995.82 to go! 

^^^ Sneak preview of the Conf South league table, this time next month?