Creepy in the Cup

When invited to write something for the match-day programme about my early experiences of the FA Cup as a Maidenhead United fan, I initially struggled to think. The mid-90s was my formative time, so perhaps it wasn't surprising. Records show the Magpies went nearly six whole years, from 15th September 1992 to 5th September 1998, without winning a single FA Cup match – losses to Newbury, Havant Town (twice – the second of which saw my Grandad presented, pre-game, with a commemorative shield to mark 50 years as a supporter), Thame, and Newport AFC. That's something for me and other fans to remember if/ when we get blasé about drawing League One clubs in the 1st Round Proper, be it Oxford United away last season or Crawley at York Road.

As it is, our 4-2 defeat to two-divisions-higher Kingstonian in the 1998-99 3rd Qualifying Round is probably my most vivid, earliest, MUFC-related FA Cup memory. Michael Banton was among the goals down the Canal End, and it was 2-2 at the interval, but Michael Bolger didn't exactly cover himself in glory between our sticks. Attendance was 717 on a windy but sunny October afternoon. (26 years ago, to the day, as I write!) The crowd at our previous home league game was less than a third of that.

Since then, we've experienced the usual gamut of Cup emotions: conceding flukey winners (Salisbury at York Road in 1999 – afforded a short write-up in a national broadsheet, which blew my tiny little mind at the time); two penalty shootout wins (kudos to those who can name both opponents); lamentable first-time exits (my Dad remarked he'd never seen Roger Coombs so dejected as when we lost to Welling at home in 2002, while Bashley were struggling in the division below when they knocked us out at their place in 2008); unlikely hat-trick heroes (left-back Leon Solomon at Godalming in 2011); unlikely scorelines (7-4 defeat at Halifax in 2021); tremendous highs (James Mulley's 94th-minute equaliser and iconic celebration at Port Vale in 2015, after beating Winchester in a replay, Blackfield & Langley away, and then Woking at York Road in monsoon-like conditions) and inexcusable, era-defining lows (H*rsh@m).

No 2nd Round Proper appearance, though. A glaring omission. We've had the occasional near miss, more routinely since entering the competition in the later rounds following promotion to the National League. Leading Rotherham until the 70th minute at a rain-soaked York Road in 2019 comes to mind. However, a 3-2 home defeat to Dulwich (not Hamlet) in November 1886 remains our most 'recent' 2nd Round showing.

138 years! Hopefully not, 'and counting'.

Away Day Diary: Taunton Town 1-1 Maidenhead United (12/10/24)

This FA Cup draw (as in the balls out of the bag, not the result on Saturday) seemed like a good one – "cracking," wrote Macleod (M), "except for my wallet and liver" (the Magpies would play their fourth away game in five Saturdays, and we'd journeyed up and stayed over in Solihull for Steve H's 60th birthday party after the home defeat to Halifax) – but the timing wasn't the best; as I met with Macleod (M) for the walk to the station ahead of the 08:30 train, I felt concerned there was 'After the Lord Mayor's show' potential, further to last week's win at Southend ("arguably our best/ most satisfying away day in the National League"), plus we were both rather tired after spending Friday night with Macleods (C + P) and Willie T. in Oxford trying to find a car parking space watching the mighty Goldie Lookin Chain at The Bullingdon on their 20th-anniversary tour ("Youknowsit, clart")

Ale House for pre-11 o'clock pints (meh) and cooked breakfasts in the sunshine, as Macleod (M), TWS, Chris Chad., CB, and I were joined – in due course, and one-by-one – by Somerset Mag aka JJ McClure, Cornwall Mag, and Chris Rad.; then across the road (literally) to meet with the Batemans in the otherwise deserted Plough Inn, where Chris Chad. showcased his musical prowess by playing the riff from 'Mundian to Bach Ke' on the piano, Cornwall Mag was the Trivial Pursuit quizmaster ("Port of Spain!"), and some of us debated the topic of underrated bands (with nominations for Talk Talk, Oasis [!] and Bloc Party)

Unfavourable first impression of the Coal Orchard due to a sizeable shattered pane of glass in the front door, but it was only £2.60 a pint, while Macleod (M) appreciated the art deco style and TWS enjoyed a go on the pinball machine; I was similarly pleased to get seated out the back of the Wetherspoons, overlooking St Mary Magdalene Church, in – more-or-less – the same spot as when the wife and I had stopped off here, en route to Cornwall on holiday, ten years previous

No segregation and seemingly only two working turnstiles meant there was a lengthy queue at the Cygnet Health Care Stadium; whilst waiting impatiently, I discovered that it was – somewhat bizarrely – a Bristol City fan whom Neil had captured standing on the barriers in celebration after Reece Smith's winner at Boston

Tannoy announcement that flags should not cover the advertising hoardings prompted Macleod (M) to pull one end of the Union flag back by millimetres and immediately preceded the dominant if largely toothless Magpies opening the scoring when the Taunton goalie – who we would later chat with, briefly, in the town centre – failed to keep out Smith's 39th-minute effort; MUFC continued its ultimately-ineffectual control of proceedings until well into the second half but was unable to kill the game off, and, after the Peacocks had equalised following a long throw that neither Craig Ross nor his defenders dealt with, the hitherto passive home side and crowd belatedly came to life and justifiably sensed a come-from-behind Cup upset

One-all was the final score, though, thanks to a noteworthy double triple save from Ross, so as the travelling horde hit Wetherspoons again for more sub-two-quid pints, we were left to ponder a Tuesday night replay with an increased awareness of the U.S. sports adage about "kissing your sister"; TWS won big (ish) on an appropriately-named horse in the 17:27 at Chantilly, meaning that someone, at least, had something to celebrate

Nine-minutes-and-fifty-three-seconds-long post-match whinge by the Slough Town player-manager, who blocked me on Twitter after I quote-tweeted the video with an additional link to a Boney M song; similarly cranky was the woman in our carriage (Nb. not a quiet one) who complained about us playing – not particularly loudly, in our defence – songs from the MUFC jukebox (new entry: 'Every Little Thing She Does is Magic') because she'd "had a bad day" ... prompting someone to put on Daniel Powter! (Bad day? Nah, but by no means a great one.)

(Match highlights)

"A series of substitutions provided the Peacocks with momentum, and it wouldn't be long before Duru's fresh legs gave the Southern League Premier South side an equaliser"

Whereas we used one sub, and not until the 88th-minute. 😐 https://t.co/4cohyN0g9i

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) October 14, 2024

Away Day Diary: Oxford United 2-0 Maidenhead United (04/11/23)

OK, so I admit that I was disappointed with this FA Cup draw from the get-go (second place in League One indicates they're a good side; the Kassam is a godforsaken out-of-town stadium that I've been to before), and I remained unenthusiastic about the fixture when it cropped up briefly in conversation during the car ride home from our undeserved defeat at Aldershot, but still a shock to learn – after messaging on Monday morning to suggest getting a train to Culham, and a taxi to the ground from a pub there (as I think the savvier Bristol Rovers fans had done, on my last visit) – that Craig, Macleod (M) and Scouse Mick had, sometime during our long overdue league win the preceding Saturday, booked seats on one of the supporters' coaches; I half-heartedly followed suit, despite protestations from Steve H, and began to wrack my brains for the last occasion I travelled to a game via that particular mode of transport ...

XVII years almost to the day, I reckon, since the big – at the time – FA Cup match at Stafford Rangers in 2006 (our first FAC1RP appearance since 1971; The U's our 14th FAC1RP opponents since WWII, half of which have come in the last nine years); anyway, the forecast was for heavy rain, so I was relieved – especially after an earlier soaking on my morning run – to learn that Macleod (M) had booked a taxi to take us to the Portland Arms ... although come the time, it was glorious sunshine!

Familiar scenes on the back row of Coach #2 – Scouse Mick supping on *ahem* Coca Cola, then a can of Stella – as the driver sensibly diverted via Henley-on-Thames to avoid traffic on the M40; the pre-match ambience in the Hollywood Bowl, outside the Kassam, best summed up by Oxford United replica shirt-wearing supporters cheering loudly – momentarily drowning out noise from the arcade machines and children's birthday parties – as Manchester United scored a late winner on TV

Our line-up was an attacking one, so it was perhaps unsurprising to see us opened up like a can of beans after only 15 minutes, with Billy Bodin finishing off a slick but largely unopposed move; the Magpies had two or three half-decent chances after that and should really have gone in level at the break, but, as pointed out by Oxblogger, "they just weren't quite good enough"

Ryan Peters and or Dev (the latter down from his position in the director's box, as he's serving a touchline ban for a red card at Barnet) must've delivered a rocket at halftime, as we started the second 45 like men possessed, with Alan Massey (!) leading the charge; however, per usual, we ran out of steam, and our substitutions (bar Massey) didn't help, cue a second from Bodin towards the end that sealed the win but didn't quieten the 663 away fans

Departure of the coaches seemed unnecessarily belated, and our route to the M40 was haphazard, but we made it back to the Portland in time to witness the latest VAR fiasco (Arsenal robbed of a point at Newcastle); someone did Disco 2000 on karaoke, which went down a treat and prompted a quip that it might be 2000 years before Maidenhead United's next appearance in the second round of the FA Cup (137 years and counting)

(BBC report; match highlights)

Glad to get over that potential banana skin, fair play to Maidenhead, they gave us a few problems, their fans were great and loud fair play. #OUFC pic.twitter.com/FbDIUq1BSC

— Tony Stoyle (@AbingdonTony) November 4, 2023

Away Day Diary: Weston-super-Mare 0-3 Maidenhead United (14/10/23)

We became a bit blasé – familiarity breeds contempt and all that – about visits to Woodspring Stadium and Twerton Park despite them being comfortably the two best aways at the time in an otherwise dreary Conference South; however, they were always good days out (occasionally tainted, of course, by 90 minutes of football), and so it was a case of "could be better, could be worse" when the draw for the FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round presented us with another trip to the location of Fancy Dresslemania XVI

Earworms of the day thus far (including 'Rip It Up' for me, 'La Vie en rose' for Craig, and 'I'm the Leader of the Gang' for Macleod [M]), Shay's #MoveUsOrLoseUs petition (specifically those signatories, e.g. Bernard Mensah, who might be ineligible), Scott McTominay's disallowed goal vs Spain ("not quite the Hand of God, was it?!"), and the weather in Munich (some of us are off to Germany next weekend) among the topics of conversation, with the Batemans for company, on the 08:30 from Maidenhead and then the 08:55 from Reading; it was sunny but with a chill in the air as we disembarked at Weston

Steve H aka Solihull Steve aka the Sweetie Blinder was waiting and joined three of us for breakfast – very good – in Central Perks before a pre-match pub crawl that went as follows: the Duke of Oxford (the Fork 'n' Ale wasn't open; the Batemans were in situ, fresh off the pier), the Brit Bar (top notch; Willie T and son joined us here as my phone battery crashed from 80-odd per cent to zero and I struggled to power up), and, finally, the Black Cat, with Viz wallpaper in the toilets, from where we got taxis to the ground

The hope, if not the expectation, was that our National League quality (don't laugh!) would shine through, and that's what transpired, at least in the first half, as Tobi Sho-Silva bagged himself a brace and the jubilant away fans serenaded substitute D. Omilabu – on for the injured Harry Parsons – to the tune of 'Insomnia' by Faithless; things got a bit nervy after the break as an already depleted Magpies XI lost further players to injury and we visibly tired – if the home side had pulled one back, I wouldn't have put it past them to have got more goals – but, as it was, almost immediately after the fourth official had indicated eight minutes of added time, Reece Smith indirectly set up Sho-Silva for MUFC's first FA Cup hat trick since Leon Solomon (a left-back!) at Godalming Town in October 2011, and the party atmosphere went up another level

One quick drink in the bar with kindred spirit @CasualSeagull – who had previously sought us out for conversation during the first half – ahead of a taxi back into town and a post-match pub crawl that started with an old favourite, the Criterion (with TVs showing Wales' defeat to Argentina in the egg-chasing); to the Regency (where Craig and I admitted to near constantly and deliberately winding each other up, which wasn't much of a surprise to anyone) and the Fork 'n' Ale (having passed not one but two busy Japanese restaurants, which seemed symptomatic of gentrification/ a town on the up) before a supermarket sweep at the giant Tesco's and then the 20:29 train home

Not every day that Maidenhead United fans get to celebrate an away win (or any win, thinking about it!), let alone one by such a convincing margin, so the triumphant drinking and loud singing after TWS et al. had joined the train at Temple Meads, was probably excusable; Que sera, sera, etc.

(Advertiser report; match highlights)

About the worst draw we could've got: versus a good team (second in League One) at a crap, three-sided, out-of-town ground that I've been to before, and with the Mallet media madness to come. https://t.co/c1pPIhAJ8a

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) October 15, 2023

Away Day Diary: Halifax Town 7-4 Maidenhead United (06/11/21)

Honestly, I thought after our disappointing trip to Altrincham that Southend in late November would be my next MUFC away game; I hadn't factored in (1) the Magpies beating Hastings United at the home of football and (2) the subsequent draw made on ITV #MagicOfTheCup

A televised 90th-minute winner in front of the Bell End and news of CWKHF kindly stumping up for a subsidised supporters' coach (which, lamentably, wasn't filled) seemingly suggested to me that I'd made the correct decision to bin off a fireworks display on Saturday at Windsor Racecourse – I instead accompanied the wife and kids, on Guy Fawkes Night, to one in Henley-on-Thames – and commit to joining Craig and Macleod (M) on the trains (even though we would be travelling to an increasingly familiar destination, rather than the more exotic-sounding Ponte Carlo)

Like on opening day, we enjoyed a fried breakfast in Paddington before departing King's X on the 09:33 train; Macleod (M) pointed out both he and I had overlooked that our beloved Goldie Lookin Chain would be playing The Warehouse in Leeds later, which prompted a general sense of foreboding ...

I'd suggested we mix things up a bit with a pre-match mini-crawl in Leeds – before a customary stop in the Three Pigeons Pigeon Centre, obvs. – and that is what we did: Whitelock's Ale House (decent; "the very heart of Leeds," according to John Betjeman), the Head of Steam (we weren't planning on going in there, for a change, but [1] Tapped had bouncers on the door, which was off-putting, and [2] it's a good job that we did as, in addition to the usual fine selection of beers, there was a Maidonian behind the bar!), and the Scarborough Hotel (meh; topics of conversation included generational cohorts, which kinda summed things up!)

Frankly, it was a ridiculous first half (Emile Acquah with a brace!) that ended 4-3, with the raucous away support asking both teams – genuinely – What the f**kin' hell was that?! The madness continued after the break, prompting the collective shaking of heads and scratching of chins (and, later on, the checking of record books): When was the last Maidenhead game with eleven goals? When was the last time that we scored four but lost? When was the last time that we were on the receiving end of a 7-4 beating?

After post-match drinks in the Three Pigeons ("We haven't made the 3rd Round Proper since 1988," lamented one home fan, rather misjudging the mood of his Magpies-oriented audience) and Meandering Bear (delicious pints of Tiny Rebel's Peloton Pale and Settle's Plum Porter; vibe reminiscent – in a good way – of a German bar); a supermarket sweep in Tesco Express (where, back in September 2017, we'd bought a Frozen cake to celebrate my birthday); a delayed train ride from Halifax (packed to the rafters with disconsolate Sheffield United fans); a sprint to catch our connection at Leeds; a carriage-wide sing-song to wish Willie T – self-isolating at home – a happy 40th; jovial conversations with the Rangers-supporting train guard ("like Steve Coogan channelling Brian McKendrick in an Armando Iannucci-penned mockumentary pilot"); and a regrettably unpleasant encounter with an accusatory, punch-throwing, silver-haired, silk scarf-wearing rugby fan with – he boasted – an architecture degree from Kingston University (year unknown; he couldn't remember); we stalked off – still more-than-a-little shell shocked, I think – into the cold Berkshire (mid)night

XII (i.e. twelve) successive post-WWII 1st Round Proper ties lost by the Magpies now, which is presumably an unenviable FA Cup record (UPDATE: nope!); we can perhaps write off the embarrassing 7-4 scoreline on Saturday as a freak – the result of a wide-open cup tie played in miserable conditions – but, it is crystal clear that Dev cannot put out a makeshift defence, with our tone-setting midfield dynamo shunted to full-back*, and expect to get anything out of games against above-average opponents such as the Shaymen (*Why haven't we signed a right-back on loan – if only for a month – with Remy Clerima busy modelling, plus Ryheem Sheckleford and Shaun Donnellan injured?)

(BBC report; match highlights)

Good luck Maidenhead...good noise from your supporters..

— Stephen Collingwood (@Stephen54761593) November 6, 2021

Away Day (sort of) Diary: Wealdstone 0-2 Maidenhead United (22/10/19)

We've made no secret of the deep-rooted bonhomie that exists between us and Wealdstone; however, despite enjoying Saturday (before, during, and after the game), and as discussed with Craig and others on Monday, there was no doubt that we would love it - Keegan-style - if able to beat them in the replay …

Even though Rotherham United at York Road wouldn't be the most enticing reward (shows how far we've come etc., etc., we now view a home draw vs a League One side with such relative indifference)

A 'Waze special' - via Langley, Iver Heath and Uxbridge - got us to Ruislip in time for a quick drink (Black Iris' Bajan Breakfast; not too bad) with home fans (some we'd seen on Saturday, some we hadn't) in the Hop & Vine (which would make a killing in Maidenhead)

Lots of head-scratching regarding the Magpies line-up (three right-backs starting, with Seth Twumasi at left-back; Rene Steer and Freddie Grant among the subs), but we were on the front foot from the off and took a deserved lead when Josh 'he's one of our own' Kelly - clearly onside - finished with a shot across the keeper

Didn't have a good view of the Wealdstone sending-off (*if* it was a foul, then it initially looked to me like a penalty and a yellow card rather than a free kick and a red), but either way, I don't think that the decision was crucial to the result; we were comfortably better than them, on the night, even when 11v11

Stones' vocal support was underwhelming throughout, TBH, but they did find their voices - baying for the referee to level the numbers - when, after their on-loan keeper had made another excellent point-blank save (he'd made a similar one in the first half on Saturday), there was a melee in their six-yard box; again, we didn't have a good view of things, but a yellow card (for Ryan Upward) seemed about right

Talk at half-time concerned accusations made by Barnet stewards - notoriously crap - against two Maidenhead regulars; sounds a bit like Ebbsfleet 2010 all over again ("We don't want to ban you, but … ")

Only one up at the break was a disappointment, considering our control of proceedings, but Kelly effectively settled the tie with another decent strike after 56 minutes; we were directly in line and knew it was in as soon as the ball left his foot

Not allowed out at the final whistle (a rarity), presumably because there's only one entrance to the ground; I appreciate that a more extensive away following would get an expanded segregated section, but goodness knows what the likes of Wrexham will make of the Vale if the Stones can emulate our 2016/17 title success ("National South champions, you'll never sing that!")

Ellul, Joe - belatedly substituted after being knocked over, and possibly out, by a ball-to-the-face - thankfully seemed OK in the bar post-match; we also chatted to other Wealdstone fans, whom we'd missed on Saturday (e.g. Mark 'The Fall fan'), and wished them all the best for the rest of the season

(Match highlights)

It'll be a very sad day indeed if/ when the Bell End is taken away. https://t.co/FavCMQoeOP

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) October 23, 2019

FA Cup, 1st Round Proper

Greater responsibilities at work (ongoing) and at home (imminent) mean that I haven't the time required to do justice re a planned Crewe/ Nantwich/ Port Vale X2 post.

One day.

Maybe.

The following two videos encapsulate things rather better than I could, in any case, and I'm sure most Magpie fans would prefer to (re)watch these.

MULLEY @ VALE PARK

MASSEY @ YORK ROAD

It. Wasn't. A. Dream.

:-)

< insert unoriginal, Card-related pun here >

Maidenhead United 3-0 Woking (Att: 867)

TBH, I wasn't 100% sure, at the start of last week, whether I'd bother going to York Road for the big Cup tie; #fencegate had been more than enough drama for one Cup run, while Woking didn't exactly make for exciting opponents. Then it became clear that, if I were to miss out, I'd be one of the few: quickly confirmed attendees, via our FB group, included LCG Dave, Will H, John G, Dickie W, Coxy, Macleod (M), Craig, Scouse Mick (ungrounded!); plus Fuzz, Gav Villa and Willie T (not working?!). Reasons behind such newfound enthusiasm? The 'magic of the Cup'? The *cringing as I write this* 'Devolution'? The fact that it was Bobby P's birthday?! For me, nearly every re-tweeted post on my Twitter feed seemed to concern Wealdstone's upcoming clash with Bognor. The Stones were excited. It slowly dawned on me that I should be, too. And, come the day, I was.

"Our fans are gr8 anyway. One of the reasons I came back was because of the support when I was 1st there" No 'real fans' BS frm Dev. Respect

— GMOSC (@gomadstopcaring) October 24, 2015

^^^ Dev's comments in the paper, which I didn't read until the morning of the game, certainly didn't hurt (click here for context re 'real fans').

#Woking are best behaved supporters in the league (when they win). Just found this out walking past the Bell. Ladies wot lunch were bemused

— GMOSC (@gomadstopcaring) October 24, 2015

^^^ We had a plasterer round for a quote, so I didn't start the walk into town until past 1pm, belatedly meeting with Craig, Fuzz, Macleod (M), and Mick in the Bear. It was jam-packed - thanks, in part, to several wedding guests in 'interesting' attire. The Zulu Blonde was rather good, although the Stateside Rye - that Craig was supping - was even better. We knew the MUFC turnstiles would be creaking under the pressure of a larger-than-usual crowd, but, regardless, we departed the pub later than we should've. As such, we heard the cheers that greeted the opening goal as we crossed York Road outside the Anchor. The pessimistic realistic among us instantly feared the worst, although I did suggest that the roar - and it was loud - could've come from the home fans. Still, I was somewhat surprised to learn that we were one up…

1 up. Gr8 goal. Apparently. CanalEnd in fine voice. Smokebomb frm away fans. Only banned 4 lge games? I'm busy peeling @Gandermonium sticker

— GMOSC (@gomadstopcaring) October 24, 2015

^^^ I was also pleasantly surprised to hear a near word-perfect 'Soggy Sombrero' shortly after our arrival behind the goal. The Canal End was in fine voice.

^^^ 'Bell Ending' the Gandermonium sticker was far less hassle than peeling it.

^^^ Tucker Jnr in the house! The boy has got promising bin-throwing skills! Willie asked him, the following day, for his York Road highlight. 'Pushing bins over,' the reported response! #familyclub, #lad

^^^ Match action. Safe to say that the Cards looked like a side low on confidence; the Magpies were keen to take full advantage. Woking seemed to be finding their feet, though, as the half wore on …

^^^ A (plastic) pint of Newcastle Brown Ale (yuk!) was awaiting me in Stripes at the break (thanks, Fuzz!). TBF, the Rebellion Relegation was off (Quelle surprise).

^^^ Sir Garry Attrell - MUFC Hall of Famer and, in Macleod (M)'s opinion, the 'greatest ever Maidenhead player' - happy to pose for a photo with his biggest fan. A quick trip to the Gents before we ventured back outside, and it was from here that we heard another goal-greeting cheer. From the cubicle, Mallett Jnr reckoned it was an equaliser (although he seemed more interested in the goings-on at the Kassam #noteuphenism). Wrong! It was 2-0. Macleod (M) and I might've missed this goal - and the first - but we did see the quickly-added third, albeit just about, through the Shelf gap! We chatted with Roger and Jean (former Chairman and Treasurer, respectively) - painful defeats vs Salisbury in the 1999/00 3rd Qualifying Round, and particularly vs Welling in the 2002/03 2nd Qualifying Round, briefly touched upon - while Macleod (M) got a kiss from Mrs Dev. Another MUFC Hall of Famer, Andy Smith, also said hello. The joyous atmosphere was soon tempered, though, by an unsavoury flare-up. Some of the Woking Youth were seemingly permitted to walk around the ground, past the Bell End, spitting and jostling as they went. A couple of the home fans took an understandable exception. I had to deploy all my persuasive conciliatory powers to defuse the situation. Yes, you read that correctly! But, of course, well done to the stewards. *rolls eyes*

Well done to @mstewart46 and his stewards today coping well with the big crowd

— Steve (@EducatedLeftFt) October 24, 2015

*** Exhibit A (post on the WFC forum):

If Woking FC get in trouble for the muppets actions I hope Maidenhead get in trouble for a ridiculous failure to steward the game properly. We have been there before so they know it was likely to be a bit rowdy yet there was no one watching the noisy lot when they threw the smoke bomb, which then wasn't removed for quite a while. They then had two stewards who bottled standing near the rowdy lot, preferring to stand watching and discussing the game. Second half they didn't steward the Woking end at all. The muppets were chucking each other over the fence with total impunity.

*** Exhibit B (snippet from a groundhopper blog post; worth reading in full):

If the Woking players hadn't quite given up, some of their fans certainly had. A selection of the more idiotic of them felt that the only way to gain the respect of their fellow fans was to wade in to the home fans and try and start something. They were thrown out by those in yellow that were not on the pitch - although I'm not sure I would use the word "swiftly" as the whole thing seemed to drag on for an age before it was finally over.

Maidenhead fans show their appreciation for goal no.3 through the medium of shoes pic.twitter.com/q4cb8w9A7R

— Maidenhead United (@MUFCYorkRoad) October 24, 2015

^^^ "Shoes off if you love Maidenhead!"
:-)

^^^ It was party time on the Bell End. The KSG rolled out a few old favourites (e.g. 'Nisbet scored at King's Lynn') - and sang 'Happy Birthday' to Bobby P., stood on the Shelf - before collaborating with the LCG, the Youth, and the rest in a booming rendition of 'Alan Dev's Chas & Dave's Black & White Army'. Fifteen minutes … then five more added on! No wonder LCG Dave's hands were (literally) bleeding at the end! The players celebrated in the goalmouth after the final whistle - my face obscured by the crossbar in the relevant photo! - and the gaffer punched the air several times; I sense that this one really meant something to him (Drax now got nothing!). Macleod (M) and I chatted briefly with Matty Glynn. He looks as fit as a fiddle. I've felt that, at times this season, we've lacked a bit of guile in the final third, creativity provided in days of yore by the likes of Glynn, Attrell and Barry Rake. Maidenhead didn't lack guile or creativity on Saturday, though, far from it. The Cards were poor, yes. But the Magpies were rampant.

^^^ To Bar Sport, absolutely drenched despite the short walk. Reports that it had 'kicked off' back at the clubhouse. Nawty. Anyway … A PHOTO FROM YORK ROAD ATOP THE BBC SPORT WEBSITE! (above) THE SO-CALLED 'SPECIAL ONE' IN MELTDOWN! ARSENAL BEATING EVERTON TO GO TOP O' THE LEAGUE! GREENE KING'S EAST COAST IPA GOING DOWN A TREAT! Giddy times. It reminded me a little of the Anchor 'glory days' (albeit sans Landlord Joe, sticky carpets, ripped seats, tatty wallpaper, Macleod [C] monopolising the jukebox, impressive scarf collection, etc.) … and this was before Mad Fred turned up! The wife collected me, as planned, at 8pm. I wasn't the first to depart - indeed, I think only the Macleods, Mick and the birthday boy stayed out. Probably for the best Definitely for the best, if the following FB video of Bobby P. dancing - 'like a cat chasing a laser' - to 'Town Called Malice' is anything to go by! #raidergotnothingonpintjoy

Inevitable that Maidenhead get Wealdstone or Didcot at home.

— corey (@_CoreyHYUFC) October 24, 2015

^^^ My throat was sore when I awoke the following morning. I was also suffering from a 'stand banging thumb' (#noteuphenism). They were small prices to pay. Thoughts immediately turned to the draw. The Stones had also won, so my FB and Twitter timelines were full of suggestions regarding which teams were desirable/ undesirable. My view was as follows:

Most people - including Alan Dev - would like a league team at home. Failing that, a lower division side at home.

York Road, however, can barely handle Woking, let alone the likes of Millwall or Bristol Rovers! Segregation would also mean home fans locked out of the Bell End (a la the Stafford Rangers replay debacle).

Plus, we've lost to the likes of Didcot and Horsham - the latter at this stage - in the recent past.

As such, I'd be delighted with any league team away - bar Newport and Wimbledon (and possibly Oxford - not sure I could stomach the Mallett media meltdown).

Port Vale away. Fourth team out. "Over already? That's boring" said the wife. Not boring at all; pretty much what the Doctor ordered. #FACup

— GMOSC (@gomadstopcaring) October 26, 2015

^^^ As is evident, I posted the above message at 7:17PM. The euphoria lasted for about ten minutes …

#Vale game likely to be played Friday night or Sunday of #FACup 1st round weekend, as #Stoke are at home to Chelsea on the Saturday #PVFC

— Lee Blakeman (@LeeBlakeman) October 26, 2015

^^^^ FFS! Sunday afternoon would be OK, I suppose, but Friday night?! Bearing in mind that I'm unavailable for the weekend of the 2nd Round, a Friday night fixture then would be ideal. Hey ho, we're getting ahead of ourselves. [UPDATE: Sunday it is]

Back to Woking: there was much fanfare, in the build-up to last Saturday's fixture, re Drax's boyz fine 4-1 win over the Cards in the 2011/12 3rd Qualifying Round. However, the last time we'd played them - before the weekend just gone - was later that same season: a 0-1 scoreline at York Road, in April 2012, clinching Woking the title and pushing Maidenhead towards relegation (Nb. MUFC had publicly announced, in the build-up to this game, that the away fans were welcome to invade the pitch if/ when they won! #everyonesfavouriteawayday). Anyway, I've re-read my relevant blog post and think the closing 'emotive polemic' is worthy of reassessment:

It's been six years since Maidenhead's last relegation from the Conference South. Hundreds of thousands of pounds spent in the meantime. For what gain? The team and pitch are as bad now, as they were then. Any (minimal) improvements to the ground were likely paid for by MUSA. The average attendance is only up (by a small amount, if at all) due to the considerable away followings brought by the likes of Woking. The Youth and Reserve teams seemingly only exist to provide players for other clubs (if anyone at all, e.g. someone mentioned at the weekend that Jake Chance is quitting football). Debt-free? Undoubtedly a good thing. Aside from that? A promotion (which looks more and more like it was a fluke), a Berks & Bucks Cup win (meh) and an FA Cup replay against a League side that we have played nearly 20 times in recent years? Try and spin it whichever way you can; dish out the 'anti-Drax' and 'anti-club' labels - plus the bans - if you must. The inescapable truth is that it all looks like a monumental - and rather sad - waste of time and money.

Anti-Drax? No, not Drax, per se. More so, an ongoing frustration regarding an aloof, underachieving manager who regularly hid behind BS excuses in the paper and was rewarded for mediocrity by countless unnecessary multi-year contract extensions.

Anti-club? No, not at all. More so, indignation. Thanks to a board of directors (featuring remnants from the failed Jon Swan regime that ultimately brought the members club to its knees), which - possibly due to the fact I kept banging on about (1) spending money on the ground rather than the manager/ team, and (2) imploring better links with the local community (PASE, Maidenhead Boys & Girls, etc.) - banned me (and a couple of others) for nothing. Or nothing compared with behaviours regularly overlooked by the York Road stewards.

We now have a likeable, capable manager and a ground that has finally seen real improvements (more required, though, i.e. turnstiles down the Canal End). We also have an official link-up with BCA, a ladies' team, and a Magpies in the Community scheme.

Great stuff; credit where it's due. Seriously.

'I suppose being proven right is the best gift of all' ~ Sherlock Holmes, Elementary, The Leviathan [1.10]