Away Day Diary: Grimsby Town 1-3 Maidenhead United (07/05/22)

 Fancy Dresslemania XX

Given that (1) Macleod (M) and I had already stayed over in Cleethorpes (with Will H, after the Magpies' narrow FA Trophy defeat to the Mariners in January 2014), and (2) it's a pain in the backside to get to, this would *not* have been my handpicked location for the twentieth instalment of our storied end-of-season tradition; Chorley (scheduled for 2020; ultimately cancelled) would have been preferable, if not Boreham Wood (scheduled for 2021; ultimately home fans only)

Rather than walk into town – on Friday afternoon – and catch the 12:54 (as suggested by Trainline), Macleod (M) and I got a lift from Macleod (P) and met with Macleod (C) in time for the 12:25; after a couple of eye-wateringly expensive rounds in the Parcel Yard at King's Cross, we were seated expectantly on the 14:30 (to Edinburgh), trying to work out the Magpies' overall Fancy Dresslemania record

Into Newark Northgate on time (15:44), we met outside the station with Shay (who'd been on the same train as us) and walked the 15 or so minutes to the Castle Barge; after a couple of pints there (Lincoln Green; meh), we made our way to nearby Newark Castle station – only stopping for some quick #yeractualcultureinnit photos of, erm, Newark Castle – to catch the 17:01 to Grimsby, which consisted of two carriages and was packed (including – partway through the journey – inebriated Market Rasen racegoers singing Sweet Caroline on repeat)

Marked difference in the weather – drizzling and cold – as we disembarked and made our way to check-in at the Holiday Inn Express (bumping into Emile Acquah and his brother, who were staying on the same floor as us!); after a quick drink in our second barge of the day, wolfing down a McDonald's (needs must) on the station platform, a meet-up with Mushroom and – because of a cancelled train – a couple of rounds in Wetherspoons, we hit the bright lights of Cleethorpes

 

Shay brought the average age down significantly in No. 2, immediately off the train, before a subsequent pub crawl that went as follows: No. 1 (once we'd worked out how to get in ... there were no handles on the main door! [Paulo Dybala on the scoresheet for Juventus in their 2-1 defeat at Genoa reminded me of an interesting bit of trivia, which Shay later put to good use]); Willy's (a nudge that Willie T had swerved this trip – the first Fancy Dresslemania he'd missed – in the [ultimately forlorn] hope/ expectation of seeing Exeter City win their first league title since 1990); Studio (after deciding against the Nottingham House; lots of silly-coloured drinks for £2 a pop; no girl-on-girl head-butt on this occasion); Swashbuckle Tavern (great fun, like last time, despite the DJ not playing 'You Win Again' by the Bee Gees); and an unnecessary final round – at 'stupid o' clock' – for Macleod (C) and I in the Dolphin & Beach Bar (from where yours truly thought it would be a good idea to walk back to Grimsby!)

By happy coincidence, I made it to the hotel just as the Macleods were eating breakfast! After two helpings of bacon and scrambled eggs, the briefest of lie-downs on the bed, and a shower, it was on with our costumes (Carlos Valderrama, Homer Simpson, and Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead III [on the shoulders of Boris Johnson]), some quick photos (uploaded to various social media sites), and off to catch the 10:42 train to the seaside (again)

You might be unsurprised to learn that we didn't make it past No. 2 (decent, but most importantly nearest), where we stayed (despite having two other designated away pubs, according to the police officers who said hello!), joined by a whole host of other characters (including but not limited to): Evel Knievel David Bowie Elvis Presley, Moscow from Money Heist, Luke the Leprechaun, Logic the Lobster, Roman Emperor Rainey, Section Commander Maurice of the Home Guard, Cardinal Les, Scooby-Doo, a Maidenhead United legend Shrek, Aquaman, Del Boy, an extravagantly-coiffured cheerleader, Hiawatha, two Mexicans, and Solihull Steve dressed as Solihull Steve

The walk to the ground was a memorable one (along the beach and then across a railway bridge), and not even Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead III (on the shoulders of Boris Johnson)'s flags denied entry (because the away end is kindling or summat) could scupper a party atmosphere (yet more fancy dressers, various inflatables, etc.) that went up several notches still further when Luke Waterfall had two minutes (if that – 11 seconds of playing time, according to the highlights on BT Sport) to forget: an own goal (his second in as many games, apparently), then sent off for a professional foul (with the subsequent penalty duly dispatched by Sam Barratt)

Our voices were already hoarse (and stomachs likely permanently creased with laughter) when Ryan Upward added a 68th-minute third for the Magpies to compound the misery for a shell-shocked home crowd; after saying goodbyes at the final whistle to the friendly police officers (happy keen to pose for photos), we walked the way we had come and made ourselves comfortable again outside No. 2 (more photos; more pints of Carling Black [Fruits] Cider; more fool anyone who doubted Bristol Rovers!)

We eventually went our separate ways from there: Carlos Valderrama, Homer Simpson, Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead III (on the shoulders of Boris Johnson), and Evel Knievel David Bowie Elvis Presley were on the 18:39 train from Grimsby to Lincoln (ft. a supermarket sweep in Tesco Express, where an elderly lady was adamant that Valderrama's head of hair was real ... but that his moustache was definitely fake!) and made it back to Maidenhead shortly after midnight – it had been a very long and tiring but enjoyable day (with my watch indicating that I'd walked nearly 21 miles!)

Not gonna lie – this season has been a grind at times (expensive and time-consuming), but days like Saturday (and King's Lynn in February) help you forget about all of that; well done to Alan Devonshire (I love the smile on his face and his reply when asked about the fans in the on-field post-match interview), the players and the coaching staff/ match-day team, plus all of those supporters who made any number of long trips to cheer on the Magpies, not least those who went to #FDXX in North East Lincolnshire ('Bonus points if you're a fancy dresser')

(BBC report; match highlights)

Meanwhile in Cleethorpes, Homer Simpson is chasing Carlos Valderrama down the beach pic.twitter.com/EacmpqmHRE

— Shay Bottomley 🇺🇦 (@ShayBottomley) May 7, 2022

Countdown to FDXX

Ranking my costumes (so far)

Saturday 18th April 2020 at Chorley will be the twentieth instalment of Fancy Dresslemania [UPDATE: Saturday 18th April 2020 at Chorley *should have been* the twentieth instalment of Fancy Dresslemania.] Those who have taken part in all of them so far - namely me, Macleod (C), Macleod (M) and Willie T - refer to ourselves, rather smugly, as 'the Fab Four'. Macleod (C) and I - the two who will often spend months, sometimes years, planning costumes in advance - have taken the music analogy still further by comparing our 'Fancy Dresslemania journey' to that of a superstar rock group: our early efforts were formative but not the best, then we found our feet as 'the movement' took off, now we have nothing left to prove and so can veer between feelings of apathy ("release any old shite - the fans will lap it up regardless") and inspiration (more indulgent, less commercial, critically-acclaimed stuff).

With the 20th anniversary fast approaching, and having read a 2013 article recently shared on social media listing '30 excellent songs with (mostly unnecessary) parentheses in their titles' (stretching the music analogy to breaking point now!), I thought I'd take the time to rank my best Fancy Dresslemania costumes. (Perhaps a series, with subsequent entries from the Macleods and even Willie? That'd be good, but I'd advise against the collective holding of breath!) I've tried to separate the costume from the day, but that's not always easy. Anyway, in reverse order, here goes:

#19 - FDI, Sutton, 2001 - Mr Blobby

^^^ Continuing with the music analogy - last one, I promise! - this was our 'David Bowie'. In our defence - as previously mentioned on the blog - 'We used a hire shop in Langley in those days. Fancy dress and internet shopping were nowhere near as commonplace as now'.

#18 - FDII, Grays, 2002 - Big Ears

^^^ I'm fond of this costume - Fancy Dresslemania came alive at Grays; it's still the only occasion that my wife has taken part - but face covering, which we had yet to figure out, is a no-no.

#17 - FDIII, Stortford, 2003 - Dennis the Menace

^^^ Another covering of the face, although a decent character and costume.

#16 - FDVII, Banbury, 2007 - Fred Flintstone

^^^ An off-the-peg costume of poor quality; the plastic club was a decent accessory, though, and at least Fred had Barney Rubble for company.

#15 - FDXV, Newport, 2005 - Scooby-Doo

^^^ I now view these all-in-ones as a bit of a cheat.

#14 - FDVIII, Basingstoke, 2008 - Sylvester the Cat

^^^ As above, although cats > dogs.

#13 - FDVI, Histon, 2006 - Superman

^^^ Too commonplace nowadays (it wasn't then). Popular in the Smoke, though, with both males (or one, in particular!) and females.

#12 - FDXI, Binfield, 2011 - Milky Bar Kid

^^^ Better than I remembered, looking back at Scouse Mick's photos on Facebook, but (1.) probably not a character that I'd choose again, with the benefit of hindsight, and (2.) the costume was not as polished as it could've been.

#11 - FDX, Dorchester, 2010 - Timmy Mallett

^^^ I still occasionally don these swimming shorts on holiday (much to my wife's dismay). And Pinky Punky was a superb accessory (I love the post-match photo of Jack Bradshaw holding it aloft, while the game of Mallett's Mallet, with two police at Reading station, is one of my favourite Dresslemania anecdotes). But not a costume that I'd wear again. FUN FACT: the real-life Timmy Mallett actually posted a snide comment on here back in 2013 after a perceived slight of his beloved Oxford United! :-P

#10 - FDXIV, Stortford (II), 2014 - Keith Lemon

^^^ Some nice details (e.g. the bandaged hand, laminated Celebrity Juice question cards, ginger moustache, tooth necklace). And I liked the white jacket. But the first time that I'd been 'doubled' (there'd been two Bananamans at FDVIII; two Ali Gs at FDIX; two Noddy Holders at FDXIII), and I think that LCG Dave's 'Keith' was arguably better than mine. FUN FACT: both of us had unknowingly bought the same Primark t-shirt, which - again, much to my wife's dismay - I have subsequently worn on holiday!

#9 - FDIV, Hornchurch, 2004 - Father Christmas

^^^ A second-hand purchase from a fancy dress shop in Bristol city centre. The (felt) trousers were wearing very thin at the crotch. This costume is elevated in the list by a legendary accessory: 'It was a scorching hot April day yet, in the pub garden before the game, we noticed a Ken Bates-lookalike throwing out a Christmas tree - complete with all of its pines - from the large house opposite. I asked if I could have it as an added accessory to my costume, and he obliged. There were no objections to me taking the tree into the ground; indeed, the stewards opened gates especially, as I couldn't fit it through the turnstiles! And to think that some ground staff object to flags without fire safety certificates!'

#8 - FDXV, Sutton (II), 2015 - Minion

^^^ A decent, comfortable, DIY job; I particularly liked the hat and still wear the black gloves on early morning runs.

#7 - FDXII, Dover, 2012 - John McEnroe

^^^ This was another decent, comfortable, DIY job. I particularly liked the wig. And the accessory - a tennis racket that my mother-in-law had played with as a youngster - had the Smokey's bouncers in absolute hysterics when they compelled me to hand it in upon entry to the club ("Look after that, it's the one I used to win Wimbledon in '81"). Points were removed, however, for the perceived similarity to the 118 118 men.

#6 - FDIX, Basingstoke (II), 2009 - Diego Maradona

^^^ My first DIY attempt was my best costume up to this point. FUN FACT: I was once offered a princely sum, by an antique shop owner, for the retro Argentina shirt - which, since purchase, has been a constant staple in my everyday wardrobe (I'm rueful that my youngest, pulling at it, has recently ruined the elasticity of the collar) - whilst buying an accessory for FDXVII …

#5 - FDXVI, Weston-Super-Mare, 2016 - Alan from 'The Hangover'

^^^ An off-the-peg costume, admittedly, but having an actual human (my firstborn) as an accessory - at least for some of the pre-travel photos - more than made up for that! Those who 'got it' were impressed, and I was pleasantly surprised that 'fake Baby Carlos' was still in my possession come the morning after, as he/ it received plenty of motherly attention during our night out on the (Weston) tiles.

#4 - FDXIX, Salford, 2019 - Duggee

^^^ I'm a big fan of Hey Duggee on CBeebies (not unlike the Chinese) and a big fan of this costume: relatively original, comfortable, featuring a reusable item (my wife now wears the mustard-coloured jumper), some 'arts & crafts' and good attention to detail (e.g. the badges). Not everybody knew who it was, but those who did - i.e. those with kids of their own/ nieces/ nephews - loved it. It's pity that I didn't hold off for a year, though, as my youngest is now even more of a Hey Duggee fan than his older brother was; I might even have to dig out the component parts from the loft - yes, I do have a fancy dress box up there! - for his birthday party this summer.

#3 - FDXVIII, Dagenham & Redbridge, 2018 - Alan Dev '86

^^^ This costume went down an absolute treat; little wonder that it subsequently featured in the national press! One big Fancy Dresslemania regret is that I didn't get a photo with the man himself. Dev suggested one at half-time - or so I've been told - but I was too busy drinking in the bar! I thought we'd get one after the game, but the team coach left almost immediately after the final whistle. What a wally! (Me, not Dev!) FUN FACT: This costume was a last-minute change of heart; I had previously planned to go as an entirely different character in a costume that will probably never see the light of day …

#2 - FDXVII, Margate, 2017 - Del Boy

^^^  I'm a big fan of both Maidenhead United and Only Fools & Horses. As such, the Magpies winning the Conference South title at Margate - famous for the Jolly Boys' Outing - whilst I lead a conga around the ground dressed as Del Boy is a moment unlikely to be bettered. The above photo of the Trotters standing in front of an Only Fools & Horses mural close to Margate station found its way onto a popular Away Days page on Facebook and received hundreds of Likes and Comments. Literally. The one (slightly) negative remark? "Del Boy isn't fat enough". I'll take that! It was disappointing that 'my Only Fools & Horses 'In Your Pocket' voice box - which had been delighting me and unsuspecting members of the public (if not my travelling companions) - ran out of juice. Rodney mentioned that a Fancy Dresser of my experience should've had a miniature screwdriver and spare battery to hand. He had a point'. All told, though, this costume - complete with a host of decent accessories, not least the suitcase (referenced further up this post [#6] and used on the day to carry the flags) - was undoubtedly lovely jubbly.

#1 - FDXIII, Billericay, 2013 - Borat

^^^ This ticked all of the boxes: an accurate, relatively original, DIY homage to a recognisable and popular character; comfortable to wear, easily put together, with accessories (USA flag), 'arts & crafts' (cardboard sign) and good attention to detail (Kazakhstan flag pin badge). 'King in the castle,' as the man himself would say. So it might well make a re-appearance for the 25th-anniversary celebrations. Yep! You've got at least another five years of these fancy dress-related posts!