Agent Provocateur

In the past I/ we have been accused of/ credited with (delete as appropriate) being the wit behind @therealdrax.

Not the case.

Initially, it was also suggested that I might be 'Ground Hopper' (another back-handed compliment, IMO ... although has anyone read this week's column - the Devonshire Stand, WTF??)

Again, not the case.

Now it seems that one person (at least) suspects me of being an 'Agent Provocateur' re correspondence, sent to the local rag, concerning the (latest) proposed new stand at York Road.

In the Advertiser last week there was an inaccurate, easily-mocked - but probably best ignored - letter from a supposedly-lapsed Magpies fan named 'P Brennen'. The letter could justifiably be categorised as 'anti-club', generally, and 'anti-new stand', more specifically.

"My suspicion is this P Brennan person is not quite what he claims or who he claims to be" wrote one fan, on the forum.

"Yes I thought he might be one of the GMOSC folks playing agent provocateur" replied the 'Magpie Webmistress'.

Oh, the irony!

The latter is, it should be noted, the person who took it upon herself to make unauthorised and uncredited edits to my posts (and others), prompting the Chairman to declare - via a Private Message to me - that "your access will be removed if you keep opening new accounts and posting previously removed material". 

The Chairman would soon apologise - again, via PM - "in this instance" but, shortly afterwards, changes were made so that you had to become a Club Member (on Pitchero) to even view the forum, let alone post. "Due to person or persons unknown disrupting the site by impersonating other posters" was the spin official reason, given at the time. 

'Persons unknown' my arse. 

I haven’t posted on the forum since, and so many (myself included!) would no doubt heartily thank MW for her underhandedness (consequences intended or otherwise).

If I were still posting, however, then some of my recent comments, on the same old, same old hot topics of the day, would read as follows:

*** The stand

FAN: "Surely it is time for action, no more talking"

DIRECTOR: "Unless you have the magic answer as to where to obtain the six figure sum"

GMOSC: Easy. From the playing budget.

("I'd rather spend money on players like Ashley Nicholls")

*** Family club / foul and abusive language

FAN: "I have to say that I am getting really fed up with the abuse the opposition goalkeepers have to put up with at York Road this season. Personally I think its embarrassing for the club particularly as we are portraying ourselves as a family club. I understand bantering with the opposition players or even giving a player a bit of stick if he has past history with the club or has injured a Maidenhead player. But there is a difference between this and what I saw today, the completely unfunny "banter" that their keeper was subjected to during the match was extremely off-putting and at times bordering on homophobic abuse. This is not the first time that I have felt uncomfortable behind the goal as this has happened several times over the last few years although it was just terrible today. I realise that it is up to me to say something against this during the match but I would feel very uncomfortable doing this particularly as the "fans" often doing this are drinking on the terrace. One of the main reasons I first started supporting the club back in 1997 was the enjoyable atmosphere at the club and the often funny chants and banter in the crowd which sadly I feel has been disappearing over the last few years (with a few exceptions such as Aldershot away last season) to be replaced by just abuse"

DIRECTOR: "please come and talk to myself or Mark Stewart about this next time you come to York Road"

GMOSC: As we don't know your address and so cannot post the banning order.

*** David Pratt

FAN: "Thought David Pratt worked extremely hard again today but he really needs a goal"

GMOSC: Has he notched at all since I vowed to make a contribution to the Link Foundation for each and every league goal he scored this season, over and above Vernon Pratt's total in 1994/95?? I've jinxed him! :-(

("It's always our fault. It's always our fault. Why don't you ban us? It's always our fault".)

Seriously, the aforementioned letter from 'P Brennen' has prompted a slew of replies. Many are featured on pg 20 of this week's Advertiser. This, supposedly, is good publicity for the club. I’m not so sure ... although perhaps it is. Regardless, this blog post - from 2012 - is still applicable, as far as I'm concerned. Crucially, it could probably have been written in 2009.

Or 1999.

Let's hope it's not still relevant come 2019.

M.U.F.F.

UPDATE: CWKHF certainly sounds bullish about the Railway-side stand project getting the green light (and the penny seems to have dropped - finally - re the concept of a 'lasting legacy', which is good). Some might argue that words/ phrases like 'hoping', 'will look to', 'if it goes ahead', 'if we can', 'in talks with', 'if successful', 'doesn't see a reason why they shouldn't' are, however, cause for reasonable doubt. If the club say "it is more than talk", though, then that's good enough for me. And it really will look great, I'm sure, opposite the other proposed stand; an artist's impression of which they unveiled at the last MUSA AGM I attended ... ;-)

If you build it, they will come

Ignore the fact that the above is a popular misquotation; the line from the Kevin Costner film - ‘Field of Dreams’ - is actually “if you build it, he will come” < insert obvious joke here >

Also ignore the fact that a more precise title for this post might be “If you build it, we will actually be able to get promoted from the division we are playing in ...which would render our participation in the competition far less frivolous than it has been” (Too verbose?)

Anyway, to the point - I was pleased to read last week that “MUFC are investigating replacing the existing stand on the railway side”

This very project was foremost in our thoughts (or my thoughts, at least) when the MUSA committee proposed, during a face-to-face meeting with the Chairman in the summer of 2009, that a certain percentage of the allocated playing budget instead be ring-fenced for ground improvements. The direct response was – and I quote – “I would rather spend money on players like Ashley Nicholls”

Three years down the line - with goodness knows how much cash spent (for what gain?), in the meantime, on the likes of Nicholls (decent enough player, don’t get me wrong) - and we’re finally at the  ‘investigating’ stage?!

There was a time, not so long ago, when the club were ‘investigating’ moving from York Road (or paying some consultants to investigate, on their behalf). 

More recently, the club were ‘investigating’ building an entirely new stand on the dugout-side of the ground (an artist’s impression - lacking perspective - was unveiled, to some fanfare, at a MUSA AGM ...in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were still pinned-up on the notice board in Stripes!).

All the while, second-hand (or second-arse) seats were presumably available from (soon-to-be or recently demolished/renovated) stadiums in Swansea, Wolverhampton, Scotland and elsewhere.  

Time and money wasted, IMO. Again and again. 

Hey ho. Better late than never, as the saying goes, and credit where it’s due. I, for one, would be happy if the decrepit Railway-side Stand were ever replaced (properly) with a new one containing 500 shiny, black and white seats. Very happy. Far happier than if we were to sign Lionel Messi or (more flippantly, if that were possible?!) Richard Pacquette. And the seats wouldn’t even need to be shiny! 

Forgive me, though, if I don’t hold my breath. 

On the subject of ‘credit where it’s due’, I must also comment that - as per the recent photo albums uploaded to the Mothership - York Road is currently looking as smart as can be expected. Fair play to those individuals who – through their time and/or money - have made it so. 

PS > Harrow Borough 1-3 Maidenhead United. Perhaps we’ve finally addressed our ‘lack of fitness’ issue?! At what price, though? Two training pitches at Bisham Abbey, two sessions a week. Cost per pitch for two hours? 150 quid. You do the math(s)...