Maidenhead thumped at home? Stone me!

Maidenhead United 1-4 Wealdstone (Att: 562)

^^^ The Bear, showing Maidenhead United how a 'Hall of Fame' can/ should look. I made it there shortly before midday, following breakfast with my parents in the Greyhound (where groups of Maidonians - both Arsenal and Reading fans - were congregating en route to Wembley). Already sitting/ standing outside the Bear, soaking up the sunshine, were Scouse Mick (who no longer works on Saturdays - yay!), Steve H, Craig (en route to Chelsea vs Man Utd), Dickie W, (Ex) Landlord Joe, Macleod (M), Payney, and a group of Stones fans (incl. Megaphone Mick; Sudhir and son). Will H, Will H Jnr (@therealmax), Sanjay, plus Grim and his better half, would soon join us. Cold refreshments and conversation flowed as balloons (white, blue and yellow) and hoverflies jostled for position above our heads. The Grenfell Arms mooted as a destination, but eventually, we decided to head to the Rose (up the High St and past a Paul Bearer lookalike canvassing for UKIP).

^^^ Willie T met us there and took the above photo. Lincoln City vs Eastleigh was live on TV (probably influencing our decision to sit outside). I reckon there were as many Stones in this relatively small Maidenhead pub as away fans at Sincil Bank! As aforementioned, plenty of times on this blog, we love the Wealdstone lot; I had been looking forward to their visit since before our 1-1 draw in Ruislip Manor at the start of November. A much-needed warm-up, as well, ahead of next Saturday's 'FDXV: Back Where It All Began'.

^^^ This, believe it or not, was their supporters' coach!

^^^ Three - count 'em, three - Oxford United stickers on this car. I can't think to whom it might belong ...

^^^ Hands up if you're the only competent goalkeeper on the pitch. First-half match action. We, presumably, lost the toss and so were down the Bell End. Made the best of it: heroes were praised (my girlfriend Belinda, Jon Urry, Bobby Behzadi, Chico Ramos, Garry Attrell, Barry Rake/ Steve Hale/ Rickey Ibe), villains were scorned (Martin O'Neill, Dennis Greene), rivals mocked (Marlow, Slough Town, Windsor etc.). Despite going a goal behind, the players also did alright; I thought that we shaded an even half. 1-1 at the break; Jacob Erskine with our equaliser.

^^^ Half-time. Macleod (M) chatting with Lee Dev, top left. I don't think I'm giving too much away when I write that Alan Dev - having recently left Braintree Town - has had offers from a (magic) number of clubs: one is a no-go (he's a West Ham legend, not a Wrex ham one) and so, assuming no others are forthcoming, it sounds as if he has to decide whether he fancies another Shot at the Conference National, or whether he fancies showing Drax exactly how to do it.

^^^ Basingstoke Elite?! Haha! Soon rectified. Nb. Jacket on the pitch! Surprisingly, I didn't get threatened with another lifetime ban!

^^^ Good photo of Willie T - only the other day, I wondered whether we should replace the photograph of us in front of the Union flag at Dartford that adorns the top of this page (and is our profile pic on tw@tter) ...

^^^ I spent much of the second half sitting like this, with my back to play and not watching the football. Why? The home side's performance was ABYSMAL. How bad? 'Maidenhead played their part as lovely hosts by laying down and letting us have a great send-off to a satisfying first season back in Conference football,' writes Pinner Stones on the Conference South forum. Yes, TBF, the referee killed us. The first Wealdstone goal came directly from a soft free-kick; their left-back should've walked after clearly handling on the line before we equalised; their second goal would, most days, have been disallowed for a foul on the keeper (although maybe the ref has seen Elvijs spill them - unchallenged - before?). That said, there is no excuse - or shouldn't be - for dropping our heads like we did. There is no excuse - or shouldn't be - for our inept defending, particularly for their third goal (a free header at the far post #maidenheadispy). There is no excuse - or shouldn't be - for having to rely on the incompetence of others (Salisbury, Staines, Farnborough, HAYU) to avoid relegation. I suppose that the second-rate display was rather apt, though, what with it being Drax's final home match as Maidenhead manager! It was summed up near the end, in any case, by (1) a couple of wayward shots that almost cleared the stand and evoked memories of Rocky Baptiste and (2) ex-Magpie Daniel Brown showing more fight during an unsightly melee than the whole Maidenhead team put together. Dave Tarpey, for one, emerged with credit; Mr Logic was reluctant to permit me a Supporters' Player of the Year voting slip, but I insisted on one and nominated Tarpey (ahead of B Laryea and J Lambie). Unsurprisingly, he was the runaway winner, sweeping the board at the presentation night (apart from the Young Player award, which Drax inexplicably gave to De'Reece Vanderhyde!). Tarpey stood out right from the very first game of the season, and his remarkable tally of more than 20 goals was rather wasted on this lacklustre team.

^^^ Highest avg. home crowd for a generation. Expected, I suppose, when people are let in for free (Eastbourne Borough game) and when Wealdstone bring 300-odd to York Road. More importantly, when improving the ground - eventually - becomes as much of a priority as (1) the size of the playing budget and (2) the length of the manager's contract extension. (I said they'd come!) Spectators, not supporters, though? That's a conversation for another day. Regardless, there weren't many left down the Canal End as the Wealdstone players and management celebrated with their fans at the final whistle (shirts, boots, etc., flung into the crowd). 'Alan Devonshire's Black & White Army' and 'We want Dev! We want Dev!' were chanted by the remaining Magpies. Ouch! While 'Eight years and you've done f##k all' may have been a little harsh, 'It's the toughest Conference South there's ever been ... is it f##k' was not. Wealdstone is, historically, a big non-league club, but this was their first season back at this level and losing at home to them in this fashion - and possibly finishing more than ten points behind them in the league - is rather embarrassing. A miserable failure. End of discussion.

^^^ Most of the Stones lot were travelling back on the double-decker bus, so we headed to the nearby Corner House to watch the start of Arsenal vs Reading. At least one other gentleman, in addition to yours truly, was loudly cheering on North London's finest! I was in a bit of a grump, with Dover's last-gasp equaliser against Bristol Rovers (handing Barnet, Wealdstone's hated rivals, the Conference title?) doing nothing to quell my footballing frustration. #3CW

^^^ I nearly went wet myself laughing, though, when John G broke a bar stool by sitting on it ...

^^^ ... and then subsequently spilt most of his pint! No wonder Jennie G is seemingly trying to escape this photo!

^^^ After watching the second half and then extra time in the Bell - where the pizza was good, but the ales were not much better than in the Corner House - we headed to the Greyhound (with the Suttons, Bobby P, and the O'Meara Boy in tow). Adam Federici's howler - 'he learnt that at Maidenhead' - and the pints of Rebellion Relegation Brewery's Zebedee (which Stripes had run out of shortly after half-time #noddy) significantly improved my mood. As such, I was able to helpfully point out which one of us had clearly missed the sun lotion rather more than the rest! #hellboy

^^^ Fanfreundshaft. Grim, incidentally, had managed to get hold of one of Scott McGleish's boots. The 41-year-old, 5ft 9in, sometime Colchester United, Northampton Town and Bristol Rovers striker had spent the afternoon playing centre half. Yes. You read that correctly: Maidenhead United had been thumped 4-1 at home by a team with a 41-year-old, 5ft 9in striker playing centre half.

^^^ Bobby P, Willie T and Macleod (M) discussing, in all likelihood, whether they think Alan Dev will take the job and whether that would be a good thing. Other names doing the rounds included Terry Brown, Dean Holdsworth, Graham Rix and Keith Scott. BP also suggested that it could be worth keeping an eye on Hungerford Town's young manager. Not a bad shout. Players that the new boss would likely want to keep? The consensus was three: Tarpey (who played under Dev at Humpton?), Harry Pritchard (albeit not as a left-back) and Adrian 'Yaya' Clifton.

^^^ Scouse down!

^^^ It was a 'Hula Hoop nose ring' kind of day.

^^^ Maidenhead Raider.

^^^ Chris Rad. and Sanjay were among those who sought a photo with the Wealdstone Raider. Not me. I was more than content with our version. Finger jabbing who?!

^^^ Probably should've gone home as people began to leave the Greyhound. Instead, Scouse and I rhetorically asked: 'What would Merthyr do?' and headed to the Anchor. The photos (above) were taken by a Design & Technology teacher who works at a local comprehensive school. She and her husband were among only a handful of others present. It's sad to think that the good times for us there are long gone.

^^^ After a visit to Kebab Elite, Scouse got a taxi back to Cookham, and I walked home. I arrived later than I would've liked but in a relatively decent state (I'd stayed on one drink - Guinness - for much of the day and was well-fed throughout). I was supposed to be in the spare room - as the better half doesn't like me waking her up - but ultimately beaten to the punch! Incidentally, Moorhouse Brewery's Black Cat went down a treat in November in the Wetherspoons opposite Ruislip Manor station. I look forward to sharing more pints of it with Grim, Megaphone Mick, Sudhir, et al. next season. We owe them one ... a game, that is, not a drink!

Match highlights lowlights: 

Away Day Diary: Wealdstone 1-1 Maidenhead United (01/11/14)

^^^ Opponent-specific match tickets. And they didn't write 'Maidstone'. Massive respect.

Wealdstone away today. Should be good. #magpies #stones #fanfreundschaft #landofscaffoldpoles http://t.co/E7BhUUGd1p http://t.co/QpTwpPsVuE
— GMOSC (@gomadstopcaring) November 1, 2014

^^^ I would also post the above message on Facebook. A couple of friends - both armchair fans of Premier League teams (nothing wrong with that, per se, BTW) - mentioned, in reply, the infamous Wealdstone Raider. I liked Will H's response that the Raider is 'almost as embarrassing as the MMS'. ;-)

09:30 meet in the Greyhound for breakfast. Macleods (M) and (P), Craig (who was missing Chelsea vs QPR for this) and Brian McK would join me (Nb. I was the only one on the beers). Incidentally, my parents were also there, although they had better things to do than catch the 10:42 to Ealing Broadway. After a couple of changes - as aforementioned, in at least one of the blog posts linked above, it takes almost as long to get from Ealing Broadway to Ruislip Manor as it does from Maidenhead to Ealing Broadway! - we were, - as planned, supping pints in J.J. Moon's shortly after midday (Moorhouse Brewery's Black Cat, BTW, was excellent). Here we would soon be joined by Les, Stef and friend(s), plus others. Also, Whitley Bay fan Northwood Mark South Ruislip Mark; Macleod (M) has bumped into Mark at some recent Snuff gigs. But I'd not seen him since, I think, the Battle of the Bays at Herne Bay in January 2011. All this made for a buzzing pre-match atmosphere. Indeed, as Educated Left Foot mentions on his blog, 'it made a change to enter a pub on a match day containing a dozen or more Maidenhead United fans'.

^^^ There was time for a quick pint in Ruislip Manor's Wealdstone's excellent clubhouse before, shortly after kick-off, we entered the ground.

^^^ Spot the ball (CLUE: NOT on the deck!)

^^^ First-half match action. Most of it took place down this end, as Maidenhead dominated (albeit with only a series of corners, the odd goalmouth scramble, and a goal-line clearance to show). It wasn't a great spectacle, indeed much of the first period was spent basking in the November sunshine, chatting to a couple of friendly stewards about what they think might happen to the vast playing fields behind the goal - and Grosvenor Vale itself, when the lease runs out (CLUE: Michael Shanly) - and admiring the impressive improvements to the ground (both covered ends extended) since the KSG's last visit. The half ended with a painful-looking injury to Danny Green. Thankfully, he was OK.

^^^ Why not? And who decides what is and isn't 'offensive'?

^^^ I love a good pin badge. Who doesn't? I own a few, although wouldn't class myself as a collector ... at least not yet! I was rocking the classic, IMO, Maidenhead United 1950s club emblem (with an incorrect formation date of 1869) at Wealdstone. As I'd noticed on previous visits, they have a guy who sells an impressive range of enamel badges. Nothing took my fancy on this occasion, although I did buy Macleod (P) an Atlético Madrid one; massive fan, as she is, of Los Colchoneros (The Mattress Makers).

^^^ Decent turnout from Maidenhead incl. Stuart with son and father-in-law; Will H, Dave M, and Sanjay from the LCG; John G and Diamond Lights; plus plenty of youngsters. A new flag as well; as small as its owners were youthful, but still fair play. And as you can hopefully tell from this photo, the latest part of this stand makes an almighty din when bashed!

^^^ Second-half match action. The Stones were more of an attacking force and took the lead around 70 mins. I didn't witness it live, as I had my back to the play trying to kick-start a 'Jonathan/ Johnson Hippolyte' chant à la 'Yaya/ Kolo Toure' (hands up for Jonathan/ Yaya, hands down for Johnson/ Kolo). The match highlights show it to be a decent strike, with Shaun Lucien (the scorer) increasingly problematic to Bobby 'The Daddy' Behzadi as the match continued (and before Behzadi was substituted). That said, the highlights package would also indicate that the game was a real good'un; end-to-end stuff. However, it certainly didn't seem as action-packed in the flesh, so it was 'make your own fun' time for much of the second half. And we made some NOISE. Dereck 'Grandad' Brown and Jon Urry were loudly serenaded, as usual, whilst I hope that Northwood Mark South Ruislip Mark enjoyed the 'We're the famous Maidenhead and we went to Whitley Bay'/ 'Oh Logic pulled, in Whitley Bay' medley. The Magpies' new physio, incidentally, is about as physically different to Jon Urry as you can get! 'Give Steve his hat back!' :-)

Maidenhead more than deserved their equaliser (Dave Tarpey tap-in, '86). It had been coming for a while. So much so that I'd instinctively made my way down the terrace; I was at the very front when the ball hit the net. I turned to jump on/ hug the person next to me, just about managing to hold back after realising that it was Ryan D - a recent recoveree from a broken knee! Wealdstone had one or two decent shouts for penalties in a frantic finish, but the Magpies looked the more likely winners as 'Johnson/ Jonathan Hippolyte's Black & Army' was belted out. The final whistle prompted a blast of 'We love you Maidenhead'. Meanwhile, the earlier attendance announcement as 722 met with disbelieving guffaws and 'You're only here cos it's Maidenhead'.

'Nothing better than a point on the road' ~ Dennis Greene

^^^ Daniel Brown seemingly signed for Wealdstone, at the end of September, shortly after his release by Maidenhead. I've been a 'Brownman' fan since he caught the eye in a pre-season friendly at Holyport in July 2009. I was his kit sponsor for several seasons, and - whilst not the most technically gifted of footballers - I appreciated his physical presence and 100% commitment in the middle of the park for the Magpies. He came on as a second-half substitute for his new team at Grosvenor Vale and made an outstanding block to save a near-certain goal. He then applauded the travelling fans at the final whistle. We responded in kind: 'Brownman is a Magpie'. I would then chat with him, albeit briefly, in the clubhouse. Top lad. I wish him all the best. (P.S. You ain't gonna win any arm wrestling contests with Brownman!)

^^^ Ale o'clock. Arsenal and Bristol Rovers had both won. So yours truly was in an excitable mood as I supped on the first of many Piledrivers (which, I would later learn, have much to do with Status Quo and - sadly, but unsurprisingly - nothing to do with Brian Connor). Hillsy wasn't present (however, he WAS apparently at the match), but Sudhir and - as per the above photos - Megaphone Mick, Dave P, and Grim most certainly were. Heart of Midlothian came up in conversation - Dave P is a fan - and, lead by Brian, we would serenade the bar with a (near full-length) version of the truly excellent Hearts Song. I was reminded ('I remember the time') of Stones Aid II when we got our guests' anti- Harrow Borough juices flowing with a lusty rendition of 'A group of blokes from Marlow went to Rome to see the Pope' (which also had an airing, earlier this afternoon, during the second half). 'You lot are exactly as I expected,' said Grim, 'loud and boozy'. Compliment accepted!

^^^ As we prepared to head back into town - and after I had purchased a 'Magpies on Tour' t-shirt from Mr Logic (late as usual, BTW) - Les and I indulged in a game of 'headers and volleys' with some Stones Youth. Les went 'between the sticks' - as is his want - and, after one of the youngsters had nailed an absolute peach of a volley, took the ball full in the face as it rebounded off the fence-cum-goal. His glasses were smashed to smithereens, and his face cut (perilously close to his left eye). The youngsters were very apologetic but, in any case, it was a complete accident. The cut - as helpfully pointed out by me, above, back in J.J. Moon's - looked nasty but not too painful. That, though, probably had much to do with our not-insignificant alcohol intake (e.g. I would somehow lose the aforementioned t-shirt en route to the pub from the ground). Regardless, I am happy to report that Les subsequently found a replacement pair of glasses, and no long-term physical damage was done. A hard lesson, though, for all of us: never - EVER - voluntarily go in goal.

^^^ Further pints of Black Cat before the relatively tortuous journey home. A case, for me, of 'memory kinda hazy'. 'How was your head the next day?' several people would later ask. Well, nowhere near bad enough to prevent me from attending the second half of HAYU vs Sutton United at York Road, then accompanying the Gandermonium boys for a few post-match drinkies in the Greyhound. Dr Taz would diagnose 'stand-banging thumb', as I struggled to clasp pints of Devil's Backbone and Bingham's Space Hoppy, whilst Dukey would subsequently - and perhaps accurately - describe the general conversation as a 'dick comparing argument'. The Stones deserve the same treatment when they visit York Road in springtime (for their away fixture with us; they've already played 'at' HAYU). That will be the Saturday before Fancy Dresslemania XV; back at Sutton, where it all began. Without wanting to wish my life away, I cannot wait for April!

M.U.F.F.