Away Day (sort of) Diary: Winslow United 0-4 Maidenhead United (18/11/25)

We don't often get intriguing ties, THESE DAYS, in the sadly much maligned Berks & Bucks Cup – the last one might've been at Holmer Green in December 2018 – so there was no way I was declining an opportunity to visit a new ground (at a place I'd not previously heard of) ... even though, truth be told, there were plenty of other things I'd rather be doing after Saturday's shenanigans at Leamington ("If it was Windsor away, for example, I'd probably be sat watching Celebrity MasterChef on BBC One")

I've written lots on social media (too much, probably) about the fallout of fans having the gall to publicly criticise our well-paid but underperforming players (and our manager) – examples here, here, and here – so I will instead focus on Tuesday night: I joined A.G. (grandson of Barbados Trev) in the MurdoMobile at 6pm and, after picking up L.B. in Holyport, we headed north up the M40, ignoring warning signs of a road closure past Waddesdon, before parking outside the ground – along the street from MUFC's sizeable and expensive-looking team coach – with twenty or so minutes until kick-off

New entry on the list of 'clubhouses better than Stripes' – we said hello to John G. (it was more or less a home game for him since he lives in Bletchley), then I enjoyed a pint of Guinness to settle the pre-match nerves and took a photo of the bar that someone on Facebook later said looked like "a Cold War Steve montage missing Trump and Phil Mitchell"

Someone was down, receiving treatment, when their incredulous keeper turned around and asked the away fans, "How did you manage to lose to Leamington on Saturday?!"; we were already 1-0 up by that stage thanks to a strike from Corie Andrews that looked offside, and the former Oxford City man doubled our lead before half-time on a cold night as those of us behind the goal guffawed at Shay's explanation as to why Magpies Radio has struggled to broadcast any commentaries from York Road (basically, the internet connection is so slow it's like we're running off a 90s dial-up modem powered by the exercise wheel of an asthmatic hamster)

Lovely third goal from those wearing purple – Noah Stewart burst down the left wing, Andrews cleverly dummied the cross, Kai Yearn finished with aplomb – before Stewart added a fourth; conversation on the sideline (a covered terrace, so better than Totton) had wandered off to other topics: ideas on how to restore some of the Berks & Bucks Cup's lost grandeur ("play the final in Riyadh!"), contestants (including Dennis Greene, obvs.) we'd like to see appear on "I'm a Non-League Football Manager…Get Me Out of Here!", and the fact that the Magpies had faced the Ploughmen once before (a 5-1 win, in the same competition, at Buckingham Town's Ford Meadow in December 1992; Benny Laryea with a brace; 69 people saw it)

Other notes: a melee sparked by a rash Harry Pashley tackle would've kept VAR busy for hours, but only resulted in a couple of yellow cards (including one for the young Maidenhead left-back); Harvey Collins made a decent save to maintain his clean sheet; academy kids Joel Ellis and Anton Watson belatedly appeared as substitutes, but neither replaced the returning Manny Onariase (captain for the night) or Remy Clerima – the latter played with a bandage on his knee, having featured in the Baller League on Monday, and the Frenchman's body language suggested that Macleod (M) and I weren't the only ones who thought the decision to keep him on for the full 90 minutes was unnecessarily punitive and more than a little reckless

Waze took us on a completely different route home, via Aylesbury, after we'd briefly returned to the clubhouse to witness crucial late goals for Scotland vs Denmark ("that's ruined the night for me," said Phil W.); I'll be in Denmark – Copenhagen, specifically – this weekend and will (not coincidentally) miss our league game at Dagenham & Redbridge; this comfortable win at Winslow was a welcome respite after Saturday, but there's no getting away from the fact that there needs to be a decent Magpies performance and result vs Andy Carroll and company … otherwise, there's probably a good chance of more 'vile abuse' truth bombs ("What a waste of money", etc.) that the players and management team won't want to hear

(MUFC report; goals 1, 2, 3, and 4)

Someone mentioned on Facebook that this looked like "a Coldwar Steve montage missing Trump and Phil Mitchell".

Easily fixed. https://t.co/6VAz62jSWa pic.twitter.com/ktnPKjyWYZ

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) November 18, 2025

Away Day Diary: Leamington 2-0 Maidenhead United (15/11/25)

League form was consigned to the back of our minds, mercifully if only temporarily, as this FA Trophy interlude featured one of the more intriguing draws we've had in the competition for some time – but would it be more like Barrow in 2013/14 or, at the opposite end of our 'good day out (tainted by 90 minutes of football)' scale, Halesowen in 2019/20?

England vs Serbia with G.M. on Thursday night, and in the Globe beforehand, the Magpies' embarrassing 2–2 draw vs the lower-division Yeltz cropped up in conversation with G.M.'s Reading-supporting mate Adam, as – randomly – it had been his very first MUFC game! The World Cup Qualifier at Wembley Stadium was a wet one, and persistent rain continued into and throughout the following day, meaning that the match at Leamington was in some doubt until a Twitter announcement on Saturday morning just as I was about to meet at the top of the road with Macleod (M) and Sandeep (whose wife is from the Warwickshire spa town, and who would be attending his first MUFC away game since the calamitous midweek hiding at Altrincham in January)

After a brisk walk to the station (fly-tipping among the conversation topics) and an agreeably straightforward train journey via Reading – with unfavourable comparisons made between today's MUFC strike force and the one featuring Rocky Baptiste in 2008/09 – we met with Solihull Steve, aka the Sweetie Blinder, as scheduled, and began our pub crawl with decent pints of Purity at the Fizzy Moon Brewhouse

Mobbed up! Chris Rad., KK, Phil W., and Stuart had joined us, and there were more Magpies in the Benjamin Satchwell – but no TWS, who had taken the conscious decision to miss only his second game in 11 years! ("Yh all sweet mate just had enough of spending all my money watching that shower of shit")

Into the Boiler Room, which was good, before we managed to catch a significantly delayed 665 bus from outside the Crown Hotel – some home fans on the journey pointed out the site of their old ground (now houses) ... mournfully, and understandably so, as their current one is in the middle of nowhere and would've drawn sharper criticism if we hadn't recently suffered the misfortune of visiting AFC Totton

No Josh Popoola ("He makes me happy") in the starting lineup, but that baffling choice doesn't entirely explain another abysmal performance from those wearing red – somehow we were only one down at half-time to the side propping up National League North, with just two goals in seven games and no win since 2nd September (when we were midway through our six-game winning run, smashing Bath City at Twerton Park with a passable impression of Brazil's 1970 World Cup–winning team)

Game over, in truth, when the Brakes got a second not long after the restart, with the justifiably agitated away fans (among the 412-strong crowd) now longing for the final whistle and steeling themselves ahead of inevitable recriminations – for the record, Phil W. and I had already retreated to the bar well before Sandeep captured his Pulitzer Prize-worthy footage

There was a rumour in the Urban Fox, as we ate Indian food and drowned sorrows, that our greatest ever manager (x2) had been sacked – and that would have been the correct call, IMO, as his previously inexhaustible credit has completely whittled away … but it soon became clear that Alan Dev remained in situ, and, regrettably, had doubled down in a rare post-match interview

Our Chairman has achieved much to be proud of at the football club during the two decades he and his family have owned Maidenhead United, but I think his unwavering loyalty to managers who are no longer deserving (Carl Taylor, Drax, now Dev) has been a notable weakness – so, where exactly does he think we go from here? ("Winslow, presumably")

Nothing really matters… sang Macleod (M) in duet with a blonde-haired member of a hen party on karaoke in the Portland Arms; I always enjoy it in there, but on this occasion, the vocal talents of variable quality were no distraction – there was no escaping the nagging sense that this had been another good day out (tainted by 90 minutes of football) a nightmarish day with potentially seismic repercussions :-(

(MUFC report; match highlights)

"I approached the fans with the intention of thanking them for travelling" https://t.co/uFd8T5jx6Z pic.twitter.com/ZCqEGMljfu

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) November 17, 2025

Away Day (sort of) Diary: AFC Totton 2-1 Maidenhead United (04/11/25)

After six consecutive wins, featuring as many scrappy and/ or fortuitous victories (Maidstone; Worthing) as there were performances suggesting a possible title challenge (Dover; Bath – the latter so good I'm starting to think it was a dream), Josh Umerah hobbling off with a troublesome knee injury and JvS flapping at a corner (again) contributed to a 1–0 home loss to previously winless Eastbourne Borough, and the Magpies – as we're frustratingly prone to do – segued seamlessly from a good run into a bad one (P4 W0 D1 L3 F1 A4 in the league before Tuesday night); I'd been at the Eastbourne game and had planned to attend the home fixture vs Tonbridge Angels the following Tuesday, but ultimately decided to go to the Barley Mow pub quiz with my Dad instead because of the latest Ticketpass debacle (MUFC's continued use of 'the ethical ticketing platform', despite being fully aware of its reliability issues, is exasperating; charging full price for the Tonbridge fixture – when fans couldn't even buy discounted tickets online – reinforced, for me, a sense of general incompetence and persistent disregard for everyday supporters)

For various reasons, I had annual leave booked on the Tuesday, so my first thought, naturally, was a pub crawl (train to St Denys via Southampton Airport Parkway and then the likes of the Bookshop Alehouse, the Guide Dog, and the Beards & Boards Craft Beer Bar – don't laugh! – en route to the bus stop closest to the Giddy Bridge in Southampton city centre), but an unreschedulable work meeting came up for Willie T. (the same thing happened to me – honest! – when we were supposed to see Sleeper in Oxford last month), so I offered to drive; Macleod (M) and I left at 17:15 on a journey characterised by roadworks and rain, and soundtracked towards the end by radio commentary of Arsenal's comfortable win at Slavia Prague

Concord Rangers and Poole Town were among the small number of clubs mentioned in response to 'Worse National League South grounds than this,' after we'd parked in a large puddle on an industrial estate and followed the gated, muddied gravel path past AFC Totton Prestige Hand Car Wash to the Snows Stadium turnstiles; the Stags' home has presumably changed considerably – for the better – since Paul Canoville ran amok for the Magpies here in a pre-season friendly in the summer of 1990, but there are no covered standing areas (an inconvenience as rain fell again at the start of both halves), and the End we were initially attacking had only two shallow steps of terracing behind its goal ("You've got a worse ground than Slough Town")

The Maidenhead Pele™ looked to have been fouled in the area early on, though those wearing blue were the better side in the opening stages, and we were rather fortunate that the deficit was only one – a scrappy-looking goal from a corner needlessly conceded by Ryan Bartley and defended with the six-yard-box authority (or lack thereof) we've come to expect from JvS; however, after the referee had awarded us a penalty for a clear foul on Jordon Ragguette, duly dispatched by Umerah (who didn't look fit), we played much better for the rest of the half and put concerted pressure on their goal, manned by a nervy-looking ex-Bristol Rovers keeper whose haircut was mercilessly mocked – to the tune of The Cranberries' Zombie – by the travelling support

Out inexplicably early for the second half, with Remy Clerima – fresh from an appearance on Monday night in the abomination that is the Baller League – replacing a presumably injured Manny Onariase, the Magpies continued on the front foot but appeared incapable of turning possession into goals, and I got the distinct impression that the players were as aware as the fans of the probable script: huff and puff, fail to score (or even trouble the opposing keeper), and concede an eminently preventable one at the other end

That's what happened, of course, with Kai Yearn – otherwise composed, if a little lightweight, in central midfield – keeping the ball in play but in doing so gifting it to the opposition, who sliced us open with infuriating ease (Bartley, once again, not covering himself in glory); after that, they looked more likely to score a third than us an equaliser – not even the introduction of Sam Barratt and, umm, that was it for attacking subs, could turn the tide (you might be unsurprised to learn)

The entire squad got an on-field and expletive-laden earful from the manager, if not the fans, after the final whistle, but it felt a bit performative to me; these are players – many of them, no doubt, relatively expensive – signed and selected by Dev, so he deserves as much criticism as them, IMO, and the onus is on him to make the necessary changes to right the ship

Our return journey wasn't much better than the outward slog – lack of rain aside – with the closure of Junction 2 on the M27 forcing a detour via Romsey; not even news of Slough in the relegation zone (after conceding their 30th, 31st and 32nd league goals of the season) could cheer us, and conversation turned to non-football things (gigs, for example – I still can't quite believe that Goldie Lookin Chain at Sub89 on Friday is a sell-out and we haven't got tickets!)

No longer does the promise of a new stadium (Braywick is seemingly back on) represent a light at the end of the tunnel, at least as far as I'm concerned ("We'll probably end up with the ground-move equivalent of taking £4m instead of £8m"); upcoming away trips to Leamington (in the Trophy) and Winslow (in the B&B) now stand out as small beacons of light in the gloom of a season that increasingly feels wasted, thoroughly dispiriting, and possibly legacy-tarnishing :-(

(MUFC report; match highlights)

Better than some other recent efforts but still not good enough to gain any points.
We look bereft of confidence and leaders across the pitch. Too many not doing enough.
Stuck in a rut.

— Murdo Macleod (@MurdoMacleod6) November 4, 2025

Away Day Diary: Enfield Town 0-0 Maidenhead United (16/08/25)

Even though, as recently as April, I was claiming there'd be no more 'bog-standard' (i.e. non-Fancy Dresslemania) Away Day Diaries, here I am – the day before flying to Crete on holiday – prattling on about our very first away game since returning to the regionalised wastelands! (How about new grounds only, including FA Cup and Trophy matches? Deal!)

Not until after I'd messaged Macleod (M), Fuzz and Stuart on Monday with train times and a pub crawl route did the wife remind me of a pre-holiday appointment that (1) she'd booked in May, (2) she couldn't rearrange, and (3) I'd apparently known about; my dad couldn't look after the kids, as he was away camping in Cromer, so Plan B was for me to give Macleod (M) a lift after she'd finished

Fifty-eight minutes after leaving home, we'd parked up on a residential street somewhere near the centre of the triangle formed by the three pubs I'd earmarked for pre-match; topics of conversation on the journey along the remarkably clear M25 included a three-day juice cleanse, inadvertent Audio Description on Craig's TV, and the L.A.V. at Botany Bay (#IYKYK)

Into the first pub – the Wonder, decent boozer this one and the best of the bunch – just before midday, soon joined by Fuzz and then Stuart; Rivertown's Reed proved popular as we endured a Landfill Indie soundtrack, discussing not-Landfill-Indie bands like Butthole Surfers while Fuzz proudly sported a newly-purchased Gibby Haynes tour t-shirt from his gig on Friday night at the Islington Assembly Hall

Efficient use of outside space at pub #2, which happened to be the local Wetherspoons; former Foreign Secretary Douglas Hurd's name cropped up as someone who is still alive despite the fact you could've sworn they'd passed away several years ago, a reminder that sometimes our memories are more unreliable than we'd like to think!

Last of the pre-match watering holes was the Jolly Butchers, where Jerry, Chris Rad. and CB had been watching the Villa-Newcastle game on TV; Fuzz pointed out that the headband-clad Anthony Gordon looked like Vitas Gerulaitis, who won the men's singles title at the Australian Open in 1977 and is responsible for one of the greatest sporting quotes of all-time

Donkey Lane's car park – sandwiched between the ground and public playing fields – was sizeable and free, which was a pleasant surprise but also a stark reminder that we're not in the National League anymore; after photos outside the art deco-style pavilion, we paid the £16 admission fees and made our belated entry into the re-purposed athletics stadium, complete with long jump pits covered by tarpaulins

The red-shirted Magpies dominated proceedings, as I munched on a tasty chicken souvlaki wrap, and should've been ahead at the interval: Sam Barratt hit the bar with a lob (pulling a hamstring in the process), the generally dreadful referee inexplicably failed to award us a penalty for a clear handball, and Josh Umerah had a one-on-one chance saved after a quick-thinking through ball from the industrious Asher Yearwood

Our hosts – who, TBF, have made the best of their surroundings – seemed to approach the game as if they'd be delighted with a point, and that's what they got; the visitors from Berkshire huffed and puffed, controlling most of the play after the break but failing to force a meaningful save from the opposition keeper, with skipper Will De Havilland heading a glorious chance over the bar in the 92nd minute

Worrying times, in truth, as our playing budget likely dwarfs that of supporter-owned Enfield Town, so a goalless draw here, on the back of last week's similarly disappointing home defeat to Chesham United, isn't good enough (no disrespect to those teams); the mood among the travelling fans – stood on the rooftop terrace after the final whistle, including Ryan D. in limited edition Adidas 'Sulley' trainers – was one of mounting frustration and disillusionment with an amateurishly-run football club that continues to squander money

No traffic on the return journey meant we were home by 8pm, which was a silver lining; my next game will probably be Dover away at the end of the month, and it's a sad indictment that I'm not at all confident we'll pick up many points from the three matches before then – hey ho, yamas!

(MUFC report; match highlights)

all to see a 0-0 at enfield with maidenhead i’m gonna kms

— jimbo slice (@payroll_carti) August 17, 2025

Promotion in 99/00 ~ 25th anniversary

When asked for a contribution to mark the 25th anniversary of the Magpies' promotion to the Isthmian Premier Division, my thought was to chronicle what happened afterwards to some of the players involved. So, 25 years to the day since our promotion-sealing win over champions Croydon at York Road, here's Parts One and Two of an alphabetical roundup of those who made double-figure starts during that memorable campaign (as featured in the match-day programmes vs Braintree Town and Sutton United on 4th March 2025 and 8th March 2025, respectively).

Chuk Agudosi (99/00 stats: 45 starts, 25 goals)

75 goals in 152 starts made Chuk a real fans' favourite. As such, there was understandable disappointment – not necessarily that he left York Road, more so that he moved to a club in the same division (rather than higher up). A bag of chocolate gold coins was memorably brandished by Murdo when we next visited the Croydon Sports Arena! Chuk subsequently played for Windsor & Eton. He works as an independent estate agent in Tooting.

Michael Beaton (12)

Defender, born in 1978, signed for Dulwich Hamlet in March 2002 after making 23 starts for the Magpies.

Steve Brown (16, 2)

In the season after promotion, fans' favourite 'Huggy' made the last of his 172 starts and scored the last of his 17 goals from midfield. Can (or could) be spotted, as he once was by a jet-setting Murdo, working as a baggage handler at Heathrow.

Lee Channell (27, 6)

Much and perhaps unfairly maligned (at least by me), 'Porno' bagged 19 goals in each of the two seasons following promotion – 48 in total for the Magpies from 124 starts – and later moved with Alan Devonshire to Hampton. He works as a cargo agent at Heathrow.

Brian Connor (57, 1)

Magpies Hall of Famer who should need no introduction. Currently 7th in the all-time appearance list with 368 starts. Brian signed for Hampton in the summer of 2005 after his testimonial match at York Road and later rejoined Slough Town, his hometown club. He debuted for Anguilla, aged 38, in a February 2008 World Cup qualification match against El Salvador.

Tim Cook (55, 5)

Another Magpies Hall of Famer who should need no introduction. Currently 8th in the all-time appearance list with 367 starts. 'Cookie' moved to Chesham United in February 2002 and was on the losing side against the Magpies in that year's County Cup Final at Adams Park. Later played for and managed Marlow.

Billy Cove (26, 10)

Early in the following season, after five starts and one goal, Billy was sold to Ford United and later played for Enfield Town. I took a photo of him and Murdo during half-time of our game at East Thurrock United in November 2016. He has managed several non-league sides, most recently Basildon United.

Mickey Creighton (12, 10)

Cult hero 'Vialli' left York Road in 2000, making only two starts in the season after promotion and not adding to his tally of 78 goals for the Magpies. An occasional spectator at Maidenhead games since, including Fancy Dress – he was piggybacking a leprechaun at Margate in 2017 and, memorably, went as Shrek to Grimsby in 2022. Still involved in local football at a Sunday League level.

Top, left: Me and Brian Connor, April 2024

Top, right: Murdo and Billy Cove, November 2016

Bottom: Mickey Creighton piggybacking a leprechaun en route to Margate in 2017

Steve Croxford (41, 7)

Local lad 'Crocko' made 206 starts for the Magpies across three spells and later played for and managed Marlow. An occasional spectator at Maidenhead games, I took a photo of him and Murdo during our 6-0 defeat to Fylde at York Road in October 2018. As of 2024, he was chairman of Maidenhead Boys and Girls FC.

Chris Ferdinand (52, 7)

Famously the scorer of our promotion-sealing goal, 'Ferdy' signed for Slough Town in the summer of 2002 after 129 starts in black and white stripes. He later played for Burnham and Reading Town (the latter alongside his son, Liam, in 2014). Murdo has refereed him, more recently, playing walking football at Pangbourne and for Singh Sabha Slough in the Sunday League.

Tom Hickey (41)

Tigerish Irishman who left York Road in May 2002 after 101 starts and one goal (in a 2-0 win at Croydon in September 2000; 109 people saw it). Not to be confused with an identically-named player – another midfielder – who signed for Wealdstone from Hampton in 2014.

Tyrone Houston (14)

The right wing-back made only one start – his 212th for MUFC – early in the season after promotion and re-signed for Slough Town, his hometown club. Ty is another former Magpie recently officiated by Murdo – playing walking football for Hurst. He works as an aircraft engineer.

Gareth Ormshaw (50)

Regarded by some as the best Maidenhead United goalkeeper of recent vintage, Ormshaw was on loan at York Road from Crystal Palace. He returned to his native South Africa to play in the top flight for Ajax Cape Town, Hellenic, Silver Stars, and Lamontville Golden Arrows.

Barry Rake (55, 5)

After 113 starts and 11 goals, the legendary midfielder rejoined Slough Town, his hometown club, for a short-lived third spell in May 2002. He has since returned to York Road to play in exhibition games, most recently appearing in the charity match raising money for CALM in April 2024.

Obinna Ulasi (52, 1)

Currently 10th in the all-time appearance list, Obi followed Alan Devonshire to Hampton in the summer of 2003 after 306 starts and 20 goals for the Magpies. He attended our first-ever National League win as we beat Hartlepool at York Road in August 2017. One of his sons, Joe, has appeared for the MUFC Academy.

Craig Webster (52, 2)

After graduating from the MUFC youth team to make 103 starts and score four goals for the first XI, the right wing-back followed Alan Devonshire to Hampton in the summer of 2003. Craig, blighted by injuries throughout his playing career, now lives in Milton Keynes. He appeared in the CALM charity match at York Road in April 2024.

Top, left: Murdo and Steve Croxford, October 2018

Top, right: Mickey Creighton and Obinna Ulasi, August 2017

Bottom: Messrs Gore, Connor, Ferdinand, Creighton, Devonshire, Rake, and Webster in April 2024

Away Day Diary: Ebbsfleet United 0-2 Maidenhead United (26/04/25)

 Fancy Dresslemania XXIII

Ever since the opening day of 2010/11, when the Macleods and I were ejected from their home end (there was no 'home end') on trumped-up charges of foul and abusive language (I didn't swear or abuse anyone) and threatening behaviour (i.e. standing up), leading to unjust bans from York Road, I've had a strong dislike of the football-club-formerly-known-as-Gravesend-and-Northfleet, so I was especially pleased when we pipped them to the Conference South title in 2016/17 and then stayed up at their expense – by a guffaw-inducing margin of 0.094 points per game – when the pandemic curtailed the 2019/20 season; I hadn't been back (missing Sean Marks' hat-trick of headers, as referenced on 'Two for Joy'), despite insisting to Craig that it wasn't an official boycott, and always suspected it would take Fancy Dresslemania (the 23rd instalment, as it happens) to entice me to return ... although I could have done without the nightmarish prospect of them relegating us, which would naturally delight their numpty wrong-ender fans (and, TBH, finally put our sorry season out of its misery)

Before anyone had heard of COVID-19, there was a pub near Swanscombe station that Macleod (M) and Craig had enjoyed, but it seemingly closed in 2019, so our plan was for the travelling horde to congregate at Barrel Vault – the Wetherspoons at St Pancras station – and that's what many of us did, with the following list of characters on the 10:26 GWR train from Maidenhead: Napoleon Dynamite, Pingu, the Fourth Doctor, the Grim Reaper, Freddie Mercury, a reverend, a Pink Lady, Michael van Gerwen, Nessa Jenkins, Heisenberg, and Steve H. dressed as an Aston Villa fan (on his way to their FA Cup semi-final at Wembley)

Better than expected, the pub (in keeping with the day in general): Titanic's Plum Porter went down a treat (as always), and we were able to sit outside with other groups in fancy dress (hen parties, etc.) and an increasing number of MUFC fans (including several orange dinosaurs, and Phil W. dressed – somewhat disturbingly – as a baby)

Some boos from the away terrace greeted the referee's whistle for half-time, as (1) relegation rival Dagenham & Redbridge was coasting to victory against Altrincham, and (2) Ebbsfleet had been the better least worst side in our game (TLF passing the ball to an advertising hoarding, under no pressure, summed things up); Pingu had earlier argued with Josh Banana about Reece Smith's Player of the Year credentials (Smith should be the clear winner, IMO) and, while I was drinking with Ryan Dino-Rider in the bar, everyone's favourite penguin also verbally clashed with another fan whom he thought had called for the introduction of Tobi Sho-Silva (the Grim Reaper had to intervene: "He said 'Tris' not 'TSS'")

Fortunately, the on-field performance and the off-field mood improved soon after the restart, with Brendan Kiernan playing in Shawn McCoulsky to open the scoring with his 13th league goal of the season (I missed it, supping cider) and, after Sam Howes had expertly tipped a shot onto the crossbar, McCoulsky then teed up Kiernan's fifth goal in six starts; it was now party time for the 162 away fans, with the Youth instigating a fancy dress conga for – I think – the first time since promotion to the National League (as substitutes Joshua Johnson and Tristan Abrahams both went close to increasing our lead)

Lokko, Kevin – still recuperating from February's fractured ankle – said his goodbyes as we passed him in the football ground car park on our way to catch the soonest train possible back to St Pancras; more beers in the same seats as before, outside the Barrel Vault, as news filtered through that our other relegation rival was losing/ had lost at Southend in the late kick-off

Eight years in the National, each season is our last goes the song, but this really will be our last if not for an improbable set of results on the Early May Bank Holiday; kudos to the players and management team for not giving up, but the fact it'll probably be a case of 'close but no cigar' only adds to my sense of frustration – yes, we've been punching admirably above our weight as a part-time club in the National League, and yes, there are some legitimate excuses (injuries, Boston's stupendous form under Graham Coughlan, questionable refereeing decisions that haven't evened themselves out over the season, etc.), but, despite the substandard recruitment last summer and in January, I think there are at least four teams that we coulda/ woulda/ shoulda finished above

Eubank vs Benn on TV in Stripes for the 'Middle Youth' (a phrase nicked from Wealdstone) before they joined us in the Portland Arms; Napoleon danced to Canned Heat by Jamiroquai, and a Robbie Williams super fan – Ryan Dino-Rider – led the pub in a rousing version of Angels ("I'm loving Maid'n'ead instead")

The Farm's All Together Now also got the karaoke treatment, as usual, in tribute to the much-missed Scouse Mick (who was a fine fancy dresser), but it is a line from another song performed by Pingu – James' Sit Down – that resonates most strongly as National League relegation looms large for the Magpies: If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor

(BBC report; match highlights; more Fancy Dresslemania links)

64' | A much more relaxed atmosphere in the away end at Stonebridge Road where someone dressed as Michael van Gerwen is leading a conga around the open terrace.

🔴 0-2 🖤🤍

— Maidenhead United (@MUFCYorkRoad) April 26, 2025

Away Day Diary: Wealdstone 1-1 Maidenhead United (21/04/25)

Welp! Only a point vs Woking on Good Friday, after the Magpies had thrown away a two-goal lead at (opposite-of-fortress) York Road, as I sat watching Soccer (not) Saturday in a sun-drenched but chilly Mersea Island, meant the situation was relatively simple: three wins from three or back to the regionalised wastelands, starting with a game against our old friends at Wealdstone (in a similar-but-not-quite-as-perilous position as us) #fanfreundschaft

Enfield Town's art deco stadium, a youthful group of Basingstoke Town fans in fancy dress getting told off by a policeman on the train to M@rl*w at Maidenhead station, a chance meeting with Taribo West, and a "fantasy-inspired" cocktail bar in Brighton were topics of conversation on the outward journey to Ruislip via the Metropolitan line from Baker Street; Grim and Jon were in situ as we arrived shortly after midday at the excellent Hop & Vine (Macleod [M] and I had visited previously, but only for a quick drink before a midweek FA Cup replay in 2019), and we were subsequently joined by Fuzz, Don and Lee, Beanie, Hillsy, more than one Mike, the Sparkes family, and a whole host of other home *and* away fans

American Tourists Go For Breakfast (a sketch from Harry & Paul), King Rocker (The Nightingales documentary featuring Ted Chippington), StonesAid III, and, of course, the struggles of our respective teams were discussion points as we supped ales from England (Kent Brewery), Wales (Gower Brewery), and Scotland (Vault City's Lil'Tropic – tasting, as it did, like an alcoholic Lilt – was especially popular with the away contingent); there was, as Grim and I remarked, a funereal feel to proceedings – I got the sense that the home supporters were more nervous than we were, although it was MUFC facing the prospect of relegation on the day – but, regardless, it was good to catch up with the Stones lot and the pre-match beers were a highlight

Less than five minutes gone, and the Magpies were ahead thanks to Brendan Kiernan's fourth goal on his fifth start; the travelling horde was in decent voice as those wearing black and white stripes had the upper hand in the first half, but Reece Smith spurned a simple chance, Shawn McCoulsky fired wide, and to compound matters, failure to defend balls into our box (again) allowed Wealdstone to level before the break with a scrappy equaliser seemingly out of nowhere

Dev made a series of attacking subs as both sides laboured after half-time, but, in truth, we looked increasingly despairing and disjointed; at one stage, Alan Massey – on for Will De Havilland (another Magpies injury in a season blighted by them; I counted nine non-participating MUFC players on the pitch for Dev's post-match debrief) – was overlapping down our left side! ("If Massey scores, we're on the pitch!")

Sam Barratt cares about the club – you could see that from his opening goal celebration at Halifax – but, sadly, he had one of the worst cameos in recent memory, mis-controlling the ball out of play, misplacing passes, overhitting corners, etc.; their keeper – another whose distribution is better than ours – ultimately didn't have a save to make in the second 45-minute period of, let's not forget, a game that we desperately needed to win #whimper

The End by The Doors had, ominously, been stuck in my head all day; aptly, there's a boutique with the same name as the song on Ruislip High Street – we posed for photos with its signage on the way back to the wake at the Hop & Vine, following post-match discussions with De Havilland, Alan Dev, and Casey Pettit's Dad

Our time in the National League is, per the aforementioned song, coming to an end (with collective resignation that the money spent by football clubs is out of control and largely beyond our means, plus recent shenanigans at Dagenham & Redbridge show that the promise of outside investment is inherently risky); TBH, it has perhaps always been a case of when, not if, Maidenhead United (and Wealdstone) are back in the regionalised divisions (battling against the likes of Dorking Wanderers, Farnham Town and Maldon & Tiptree) ... but we will support them – and still visit Halifax! – regardless

Not enticed by the prospect of another lengthy journey on the Met line and bearing in mind that it only takes 30 minutes or so by car, Ally S. suggested getting an Uber ride to Maidenhead (less than a tenner each), and that's what we did after me and Macleod (M) had gone for food at Tesco Express and McDonald's, respectively; our subsequent walk home from the station was a sombre one (not helped by news of some of the remarkable attendances at clubs in the divisions below)

Eagle-eyed and/ or long-standing readers of the blog (don't laugh!) might (1) recognise this paragraph and (2) have noticed that I only started writing regular or semi-regular diary entries – for every match in 2017/18, whether I was in attendance or not, and for every League/ FA Cup/ Trophy away game I've attended thereafter (except, I think, for reasons unknown, the 0-0 draw at Aldershot on NYD in 2019) – since our Conference South title win, and I'd vowed to myself that I'd continue to do so until we were relegated back to the regionalised wastelands (always likely to happen at some point); as such, whilst I intend for there to be future entries covering our annual end-of-season tradition, e.g. #FDXXIII at Ebbsfleet (yuk!) next Saturday, I think there's a good chance this will be the final semi-regular, bog-standard Away Day Diary, so, just in case, I shall take this opportunity to once again thank all of those who have contributed in some way (featured, mocked, read, liked, shared, or whatever) – it's been emotional. M.U.F.F.

(BBC report; match highlights)

On the day that Maidenhead United can be relegated from the National League after eight years, I've just woken up with a start, having - for the first time - dreamt that I was drowning (trapped beneath a rock on a beach). I don't think we need Dr Melfi to work that one out! pic.twitter.com/YBbnhpIxId

— ɢᴏ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ (@gomadstopcaring) April 21, 2025

Away Day Diary: Halifax Town 0-2 Maidenhead United (12/04/25)

Hope. It's the hope that kills ya. After a lamentable and soul-destroying 1-0 defeat in the massive relegation six-pointer at D&R, Alan Devonshire's charges had surprised everyone (except perhaps themselves) with a deserved 3-1 victory over in-form and playoff-chasing Tamworth at York Road the following week, so our survival chances weren't dead but remained on life support – it was imperative, especially after away wins for Boston and Woking on Tuesday night, to string consecutive league wins together (hopefully, five of them), for the first time since early October, and next up was a game at one of our favourite and most visited destinations in recent years (the Shaymen had also won promotion to the National League for the 2018/19 season) ... one where we have a winning record (P10 W6 L4, going into Saturday), dating back to a legendary Trophy match in 2004:

14.02.04 FAT W 2-0 Hale, Yaku ~ "Hale and Yaku at The Shay"; "Alexa, play Modern Romance"

09.09.17 NL L 2-3 Goodman, Marks ~ my birthday!

13.01.18 FAT W 4-1 Emmanuel (2), Pritchard (2) ~ lower division Stockport in the next round, who we led 2-0 at half-time in a replay; that shoulda/woulda/coulda been our season for Trophy success :(

30.03.19 NL W 1-0 Obileye ~ important win, took us 11 points clear of relegation rivals H&W

18.01.20 NL L 2-5 Mensah, Upward ~ sandwiched between a 2-2 draw and then a 3-1 home defeat vs Halesowen in the Trophy

30.01.21 NL W 3-2 Orsi-Dadomo (2), Coley ~ lockdown season

21.08.21 NL W 2-1 Barratt, Ferdinand ~ a last-minute winner on opening day

06.11.21 FAC L 4-7 Acquah (2), Kelly (2) ~ an 11-goal FA Cup thriller!

25.02.23 NL W 1-0 Nathaniel-George ~ prompting the hitherto most recent of several celebratory group photos, over the years, in the Three Pigeons

13.02.24 NL L 1-2 Sho-Silva ~ midweek game, rescheduled; the Magpies on the receiving end of a painful 98th-minute winner

A stopover in Halifax (as we did last January despite the match being postponed because of a frozen pitch before we'd even made it to King's Cross on Friday afternoon, resulting in the rescheduled midweek game mentioned above) would have been preferable, but Macleod (M) – the social butterfly that he is – was attending a Boys Wonder gig in Shoreditch the night before and had refereeing commitments on Sunday, so I was on the 05:56 (!) from Maidenhead on Saturday and Macleod (M), who'd stayed over in London after the gig, joined me for breakfast in McDonald's outside King's Cross; after a slightly delayed train journey via Leeds, on which topics of conversation included The Bootleg Beatles, the MUFC Supporters' Player of the Season vote (Reece Smith for me) and Oliver Holt's ranking of the 92, we met with Steve H. aka the Sweetie Blinder aka Solihull Steve in glorious sunshine outside Halifax station and started a pre-match pub crawl that went as follows: København (better than before; our first meeting with a couple of lapsed Arsenal fans who've completed the 92 and are close to finishing the National League), Vocation (better than before; we sat on the roof terrace, as we had done ahead of the opening day win in 2021, joined this time by the Crosbys, the Smiths and the Batemans #MobbedUp), Meandering Bear (cheaper than before; the lapsed Arsenal fans recommended a place just up the road), and Hop In (a new one for us, and a welcome addition; Steve H. insisted on buying us bottles of his favourite beer – which Macleod [M] and I didn't really want, and which he didn't drink himself! – while Phil W. steadied his pre-match nerves with a 12.5% stout)

Lacklustre first half preceded me noticing – while munching on roast potatoes with chilli during the interval (The Shay remains the National League ground with the best food) – that Tristan Abrahams was warming up on his own, suggesting he was definitely in the doghouse (after his perhaps understandable reaction to being hauled off at D&R) or that he was coming on; it was the latter, thankfully, and his spirited performance helped galvanise those wearing black and white stripes (on and off the pitch)

I remarked as time was expiring that we'd tried hard but had lacked quality, which I think was a fair assessment ... then the ball found its way to substitute Sam Barratt, with a clear opening on his left foot at the edge of the penalty area, and, unlike last month at Forest Green Rovers (when he had passed up the opportunity to shoot), he buried it – cue pandemonium in the away end

Fifty-seven of us were jumping for joy once again a couple of minutes later as Shawn McCoulsky bagged his 12th league goal of the season with a deft finish; other results hadn't gone our way (not least Solihull winning at Southend), but we didn't care too much about that as Best Years of Our Lives (apt), Allez Allez Allez and other MUFC victory songs reverberated around The Shay, and we serenaded a steward who looked like Art Garfunkel!

After celebratory beers and a group photo in the Three Pigeons (hopefully not for the last time), an expert supermarket sweep in the Sainsbury's outside Leeds station, a return train journey that featured groups from Scunny, Donny and Grimsby (Grimmy?) 'bantering' with one another ("Where's yer steelworks gone?!") and a walk back to Cox Green, I made it through the front door just before midnight – 18 hours after leaving home!

Xcellent away day, but the bottom line is that we're still five (essentially six) points from safety with only four games left to play; as the legendary NFL owner Al Davis famously said, "Just win, baby!"

(BBC report; match highlights)

Your fans were brilliant never shut up! I hope the 3 points are crucial for you. pic.twitter.com/yZXpbrMHI6

— Danial Clark (@ClarkDania77609) April 12, 2025