Away Day Diary: Solihull Moors 3-1 Maidenhead United (02/04/22)

Steve H aka the Sweetie Blinder aka Solihull Steve, had moved back to the West Midlands in November 2017 after 24 years in Maidenhead; he was banging on at me about attending this fixture most of the way to Wrexham in January, but I wasn't keen as I'd (1) already been to the ground (with him and the Macleods, to watch Castle Vale – Steve's boys – win an Endsleigh Cup Final vs Cadbury Athletic in May 2009) – so am well aware that it's in the middle of nowhere – and (2) earmarked our visit to Dover (our last there for some time?), the following Saturday, as my preferred 'early April away day'

On my wife's birthday night out in M@rl*w, mid-February, after more than a few cocktails, she'd unexpectedly given me the green light to attend both! That too-good-to-be-true plan lasted for a few weeks before my school friend Alex – who'd dressed as a rugby player for #FDV at Newport – unknowingly re-arranged his 'big birthday' party to clash with Dover; so no Breakwater Brewery Taproom for me (I haven't been to Crabble, on a Saturday, since #FDXII), and, instead, Solihull's pubs would have to pick up the slack

List of conversation topics on the walk to the station/ the 08:30 from Maidenhead/ 09:15 from Reading/ 10:31 from Leamington Spa included: ranking the worst National League away days, Royals @ Tykes, the GLC sea shanty about 'Paul Weller' haircuts, NHS waiting lists, a hotel room in Bogotá, Seattle, Settle, the odds of Dover beating us 4-0 next weekend, a pre-season friendly at Racing Club Warwick (August 1995; Mickey Creighton with the only goal; 45 people saw it), and the plight of Worcester City

Into Dorridge, and the (Nottingham) Forest Hotel, just before eleven: meet with Solihull Steve, pints of Silhill Brewery's Gold Star, and the inaugural game of Starting XI Bingo (G.M. was ultimately victorious)

Hike – past John McGinn's house (according to Solihull Steve Stalker Steve) – to Knowle & Dorridge Cricket Club, where G.M. and I bested a couple of local kids at Pool; discussion re the best John Denver Best Ofs, Beavertown pint glasses (or lack thereof), the weather (sleet one minute, sunshine the next), and Tim Vine's earworm

Unreal to think that Soli the Moorkat's boys could be playing in the EFL – against football behemoths like Bristol Rovers, Exeter City, and Sutton United – next season: chants of "More tents than Glastonbury" and "More noise at M@rl*w" were both apt

Lackadaisical first-half performance from the Magpies summed up by a second goal for Andrew Dallas ("Berti Vogts should get him in the Scotland squad") that had me wondering if Nathan Ashmore actually hates Maidenhead rather than Ebbsfleet (UPDATE: apparently there *was* a deflection; so, yes, I believe that he does, in fact, hate Ebbsfleet)

Lead halved by Josh Kelly – "We scored a goal!" – shortly after the break, sparking jubilant celebrations from the 61 away fans and greeted by a massive overreaction from the stewards: one imagines that supporters of Stockport, Wrexham, and the like don't get similarly reprimanded for stepping on yellow lines (The horror! The horror!)

Maynard (on loan from Salford City) and Howe were excellent at the back for the home side, but it was infuriating how often – and how easy – they and other teammates went down under the slightest contact; the incompetent – I'm being polite – referee was quick to blow for them, yet waved play on as Ryan Upward (stretchered off; hopefully OK), later Shaun Donnellan (in the build-up to the game-clinching third ... another deflection), was floored

Our taxi was waiting at the final whistle and delivered us in good time to Sommar Tap & Lounge: pints (Gorilla on a Drum Set), pizza (tasty), and pierced nipples (it was cold, clearly)

Oops! A can of lager – untouched, in more than one sense – fell off a table on the 18:45 train from Solihull and soaked a fellow passenger's Selfridge's shopping bags as Macleod (M), our Africa correspondent, discussed The Gambia and surrounding countries with a care worker (not his) en route to a night shift in Leamington

Rainey on an escalator at Reading – my entry for this year's Turner Prize – followed another chaotic CrossCountry journey (we had an enforced change at Oxford this time – G(andermonium) & Ts in hand – after Villa fans had reportedly misbehaved at Wolverhampton); Macleod (M) and I walked straight home upon arrival in Maidenhead, and I was reading books ('Dear Zoo' and 'Go Jetters: Antarctic Adventure') to Son #2 – still awake! – shortly after 10pm

Stones away on Tuesday night? Meh. #SeasonFizzlingOut

(BBC report; match highlights)

Apparently referees are there to keep players safe?? 🥴 shambles

— Uppy.19 (@Ryannn999) April 2, 2022